Page 268 of The Sinner: James

I rush to slam the door in his face, yet he’s faster than me and wedges his foot in the door before I can stop him, his eyes burning holes into my face.

“Get the fuck out,” I bark.

His palm goes over my mouth, muffling my scream.

I bite his hand, and he lets go of me before I pivot to a nearby table, grab the complimentary Champagne bottle, crash it against the edge, and hold the big shard of glass between us.

“Don’t you fucking dare to touch me, James Sexton, or I’m gonna fucking kill you. I’m not yours, and I’ll never be yours. Get it into your fucking head. Now go back to your posh life and buy every single fucking thing you want to buy but stay away from me. Go to your fucking women,” I rumble, choking on my dark fury. “I hope you know now why I didn’t want to stay with you back then. Why I didn’t want your money. Just because your money gives you power, you think you can do whatever the hell you want. Teach people lessons. Crush people. Buy people. You thought you could give me to your friends and then abandon me to teach me a lesson. And what exactly was that? Was it payback? Payback for what?”

He’s dark and somber, the power in his eyes breaking me to pieces.

I should fear him right now, yet I look at him defiantly. As if daring him to do something bad and put an end to my misery.

I step closer to him, my eyes blazing.

“Do you know what my life would’ve been had I been yours, James? On a night like this, I would’ve stayed home as you and your friends would’ve taken your girlfriends out for a stroll.”

“I hired those women,” he says flatly and pauses, perhaps waiting for my reaction.

I step back, a chuckle falling from my lips as I wrestle with disbelief.

Our eyes stay locked in a silent war.

“Are you telling me this, James?”

I move closer to him again, searing him with my eyes.

“Huh? Are you?” I ask, my palm flying off my hip and hitting his chest.

His jaw clenches, his eyes throwing flames.

I sense the battle in him, the storm, the vortex of anger that could destroy me in a split second.

He holds his fury back while I keep talking, smiling defiantly, making his torment unbearable.

“I don’t care if you picked them up off the street or put an ad in the local newspaper. I don’t care if they’re virgins or if they suck dick six ways from Sunday. I don’t give a flying crap how you got them.”

“Why did you leave then?” he throws at me.

My eyebrows lift.

“Hmm… Why I left… Well… Because you’d broken my heart over and over again. And seemingly, this was the only lesson that I couldn’t learn from you. No matter how hard you tried to teach me, I came back to you every single time. And I let you close to me, hoping that I was wrong. And you weren’t as bad as I thought you were. But a heart can be so foolish sometimes, and mine is no exception. I didn’t want to see you for who you were because I didn’t want to face reality. And you know what angers me the most? Even though you and your friends had gone the extra mile to make me feel like a despicable woman, I knew exactly what happened between us. Because I knew what I felt in my heart when I had all of you in me and on me. I knew it was more than lust for them. And I knew you hated them for that. But you, James Sexton… You struggled the most with how you felt about me. Even now, they can’t get to me because of you. And at the same time, you can’t decide whether you love me or hate me.”

His eyebrows furrow while his arms fold across his chest.

“It’s not too late to take your pick,” he throws at me. “I’m not standing in your way. Or theirs, for that matter.”

“Don’t get cocky with me, James. It’s easy for you to say that when they know you are the only man I’ve ever loved.”

Silence grows between us while his eyes––a mix of fire and ice––sink into mine.

“You let me close to you as well,” I say in a softer voice. “In the beginning. When it all got started… And then again, a week ago. You let me see inside you. And I know how it felt. And I know how strong it was. Stronger than anything I’d ever felt. And then you had the nerve to pull away from me and leave me there without an explanation. I didn’t mean anything to you?” I murmur, my voice breaking. “You didn’t think that I’d feel crushed? And it would break me? You thought I didn’t have a heart? And I was frozen inside? Like you? Was that it?”

He looks at me, his eyes sparkling faintly, his jaw locked, an almost imperceptible quiver unsettling his chin.

“Did you do that to remind me in a big dramatic way that I was no longer the girl you had in your arms when you made love to me for the first time? That I was nothing but a slut? Someone who’d do anything for a wage? Was that it?”

I search his eyes for a moment as no words come from his lips.

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