Page 229 of The Sinner: James

“I had women early on,” he says, revisiting a distant memory. “I shared my father’s anger and mistrust toward them, aside from what I’d brewed up on my own. I grew up like that. Never trusting anyone. Never befriending a girl or a woman. I had Lex and Ed as my best friends, and that was it. I hated getting close to someone who then packs up and leaves without warning.”

My heart stumbles.

“That’s why I was angry with you, and later with myself, because I didn’t know how to stop you from leaving. Ed still blames me. And Lex, too.”

“Have you always shared women?”

“We shared enough...” he says and pauses. “It was curiosity in the beginning. And then convenience… Fun. Depending on the woman, it was really hot.”

“Is that what Ed thought I was? The first time he saw me at your table in the club?”

“Yeah. Occasionally, he still likes to believe that,” he says, amusement lining his voice.

My face burns.

“Why are you blushing?”

“What?”

I flick my head up and meet his eyes in the mirror lining the wall across from us.

A smile tugs at his lips.

“Are you frequently doing more than one client?” he asks, holding my eyes.

“No. It’s not my target clientele. My clients seek absolute control, not high-octane sex or sperm competition.”

“What about you? Do you like it?” he asks.

“I’m... Um... I don’t know. ”

“You didn’t mind Lex and me.”

“That’s different. There’s chemistry between the two of you. And you were comfortable with each other, and it was hot.”

“It’s even hotter when Ed joins us.”

“Are you testing me?”

“Mm-hmm,” he murmurs, amused.

“Am I supposed to deny that I fantasize about it?”

“I don’t know,” he says, smiling as if it’s a good joke. “It’s your choice, and you can do whatever you want. Besides, you’re getting paid for it,” he says.

His bluntness makes me cold.

“You don’t have a problem with that?” I ask.

His eyes go dark briefly.

“If I had a problem with that, I’d also have a problem with every man who’d touched you after me,” he says, his voice suddenly hoarse. “And I can’t do that, can I?”

“There weren’t that many...”

A twisted smile creases his lips.

“Regardless… Things that slip away from us are usually gone for good. We can’t bring them back, no more than we can bring back time. We only have memories of them. You and I meet again––in strange circumstances if you ask me, but that’s life. And life is what it is. I’m not gonna sit down and cry. I’m not a fool who thinks he has the power to change things. That’s not me. I go with whatever life throws at me. It’s easier that way.”

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