Page 208 of The Sinner: James

The plates and cutlery clink again as his fist hits the table.

He doesn’t buy my bullshit.

“I don’t read fucking minds, James,” he says seriously. “I don’t need to hear from you the crap you tell yourself. You could’ve fucking told me.”

I root my gaze on him.

“Calm down, man. All right? There was nothing to tell. ”

I shift my eyes to the table and then back to him.

“Seriously, relax. I would’ve done the same thing. She isn’t mine or anyone else’s, and she does what she pleases. I just roll with it, as I just said. That’s the price I need to pay for being an idiot. I was too stupid to see things for what they were. I had her once and lost her. I should’ve known better than that. I know about missed opportunities more than anyone else. Once you lose them, you can’t bring them back, so things are the way they are. She’s no longer the kid I used to know. What the fuck am I saying? She’s a fucking call girl, Lex...” I mutter bitterly.

I motion to his plate.

“Eat your food. It’s getting cold.”

Reluctantly, he focuses on his plate.

“So, how do you like her now?” he asks after a few moments of silence, avoiding my eyes.

Quietly, I chew on my food, still looking at him.

He eventually glances up.

“I like her a lot,” I say, grinning wolfishly.

His lips curl into a smile.

Running a napkin over my lips, I study him for a moment.

“It looks like you’ve got a free ride after all,” I murmur.

“You may get the free ride in the end,” he tosses back at me.

He locks my eyes briefly before shifting his gaze to his food.

“Hmm... I’m not so sure. She’s all grown up now. And she has figured me out.”

He sets his fork down and drinks his wine.

“Why is that a bad thing?” he asks.

“It just is,” I say, picking up my drink too. “She’s different. She’s practical and down to earth. No longer vulnerable. Remember that first time when we met her?”

He nods softly before I talk again.

“I can’t forget that fucking moment when she almost passed out in my arms. I barely breathed on her, and she was melting against my chest. She was so fragile and pure and trustful. She couldn’t breathe or speak. She couldn’t even look at me, yet she was fearless and open to me because she wanted me so badly. And I knew how bad I was. And how dangerous I was for her. I also knew she was the best thing that could happen to me. I knew all that... Yes, I did. That’s how I fell for her. And then I had to let her go because I didn’t know what to do with her. And now...”

I pause, swaying my head from side to side.

“Now, there’s nothing there for me. She doesn’t need me or any other man. She’s like a fucking eagle flying high up in the sky, alone. Once in a while, she swoops down to earth to feed herself, and then she’s back up on top of the horizon, cruising above everyone else. She no longer needs anything from anyone, and I have nothing to lure her with and no way to make her come to me.”

He places his elbows on the table and clasps his fingers beneath his chin.

“Maybe you need to learn how to fly with her,” he says just as his phone screen lights up with a message.

He glances at the screen and slides his phone to me.

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