Page 148 of The Sinner: James

There’s not much money left for food, though.

I shrink into my seat, pull my legs up, and hug my knees together.

Tomorrow is my first Saturday off in six months. Pretty much since I left home.

Tears well up in my eyes, reminding me of another lesson.

Life is not what I thought it would be.

Damn you, James Sexton.

I didn’t have a fucking choice…a voice screams in my head, arguing with him.

I wish he was here with me so I could sink my fists into his chest and make him feel my anger and frustration.

Make him understand that I truly had no choice.

His money was never a choice.

Because I wanted him.

And I wanted him so badly that my heart hurts even now.

But not like that.

Not living off his money.

Not being a perpetual kid by his side.

I wanted to change that darkened heart of his.

I wanted him to feel something profound for me.

I wanted his admiration more than anything else.

And I wanted to feel unrestrained by his side, unlike an insecure girlfriend.

I wanted so many things from him…

And I got nothing.

“Fuck you, James Sexton,” I growl quietly, blinking back my tears.

I won’t cry.

Oh, no. Fucking no.

That won’t happen.

I won’t shed a fucking tear. But he was right.

Living on my own is way more challenging than I thought.

Sure, people do it all the time, and some live better than others. Some get help, too, but I couldn’t count on getting help from anyone, so I relied on luck.

Big, big mistake.

Curious thing, though, that once the money was gone, luck was nowhere in sight. It ran away like a little bitch. Suddenly didn’t know my name or where I lived.

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