Page 72 of Our Hearts to Break

River clears his throat. “Did something happen today? You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just…” My words trail off as I think about how to phrase my thoughts. “I hate the distance.”

“I’ll see you next weekend,” he says, hoping to ease my anxiety. “We have two days together. And I plan to use every second to my advantage.”

I stare across the water, directly at the white light leading me home and hold back a sob. Why am I so fucking pathetic? Why can’t I get my shit together and stop acting like such a freak?

I hate anxiety.

I hate this gross feeling.

I hate that I’m clingy.

“I’m greedy,” I say, my gaze drifting back to his face. “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”

“You’re going to Glitter with Parker this weekend. At least you’re trying to make friends. I’m shocked you’ve been helping Parker figure out his sexuality.”

I bob my head. “I texted Dean earlier. He reserved a room downstairs. I’m leaving if they start fucking, though. Just throwing that out there. I only have eyes for you.”

River laughs. “Because you’re Riversexual?”

“Now and always.”

Our conversation continues with me telling River about therapy and how well I’m doing in my classes. He says he’s proud of me and that I’m succeeding on my own.

But I still miss him.

Long after we hang up, I sit on the beach, stare at the light leading me home… and fall asleep to thoughts of him.

Alwayshim.

ChapterTwenty-Five

NATE

Weeks turn into months,and the pain of being apart from River lessens over time. Without my teammates—Parker in particular—I would have gone insane. Also, Ollie and Dean have been pretty good friends to me.

So, I asked them to tag along for River’s home game. Parker sits in the passenger seat beside me, tapping his fingers on the center console to the song. Unlike me, he can’t carry a tune when he sings. His voice sounds like birds dying.

I wish he would stop.

But his shitty singing makes me laugh too much to yell at him. Also, Ollie and Dean are in the back, kissing and making sex sounds. The radio drowns those two out. So until they stop, Parker can continue belting the lyrics to “Paint it Black” by The Rolling Stones.

River sent me tickets for the lower bowl, center ice, right on top of the glass. He offered us box seats, but I wanted to see the sweat on his face when he skated down the ice.

All four of us wear Pride jerseys with River’s name and number. We started doing this two months ago. Some of the fans noticed and posted pictures online. After that night, more fans dressed in Pride colors came to the games.

“Hey,” I yell over the music when I see a dick in my rearview mirror. “If either of you gets jizz on my leather, I’ll pull this car over and whoop your asses.”

Dean peels his lips from Ollie’s and laughs. “What? We were bored. Just playing around.”

Parker turns in his seat and licks his lips at Ollie’s big dick fisted in Dean’s hand. He sighs. “Not fair. You guys can’t play without me.”

It’s not like I haven’t watched them do the very same thing on their OnlyFans page. Hell, I’ve watched them fuck on and off-screen. These two are not shy about sex.

Although, seeing them with Parker is interesting. He’s so reserved and serious.

“Jealous?” Ollie asks with a wink.

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