Page 62 of Our Hearts to Break

“Hey, don’t go there. Nothing will change. You still have me.”

“Not in the physical sense.”

I was going to wait to reveal the surprise purchase I made for us. But as they say, there’s no better time than the present.

I sit up and offer him my hand. “I want to show you something.”

Nate slips his fingers between mine. “Do I have to get dressed?”

“Yes. Put on something warm. We’re going down to the water.”

He complies with my request, bundling in black Kingston University Ice Hockey sweatpants with a gold stripe down the side and a matching hoodie.

Five minutes later, we’re standing at the shoreline, staring at the twinkling lights across the bay. One of many reasons I chose this school is that you can be in one state and see another. I have always been fascinated by places like that.

I point a finger across the water. “Do you see that house? The one with a light on the back porch?”

Nate nods. “What about it?”

“I bought it for us.”

“You did what?” Nate gasps, turning to face me. “Are you kidding? You haven’t even met your teammates yet. Why would you do that? How did you…?”

“My mom,” I confess. “Remember when she called during dinner? That was to tell me the good news. I wanted to be as close to you as possible. So I did the research, and my mom checked out the house. She loved it so much that I put an offer on it. The owners accepted a few hours ago.”

Nate throws his arms around me, lifting my feet off the ground, but he groans and sets me back down. “Ugh, that wasn’t the best idea. Fuck.”

“Are you hurt?”

He shakes his head. “No. Just sore. I’m good. Keep going. Tell me everything.”

Standing chest to chest with him, I kiss his lips. “I want you to stay in college and get your degree so you can be my agent someday. But I know you’ll struggle without me. I’m worried you’ll fall apart.”

“I have the team and Dr. Swanson. I’ll be fine.”

I stroke his cheek. “Whenever you get lonely or scared… or want to feel closer to me, come here. Look at that light on the patio. It will always guide your way to me.”

Nate sniffles and lays his head on my shoulder. “Fuck, this is hard. I hate being apart from you.”

“I don’t want to go… but I have to.”

“I love you.” He lifts his head, and our eyes lock. “I love you so much it hurts.” As I reach out to inspect his bruises, he says, “Not that kind of pain. Emotional. I never knew I could feel like this. I can see why people avoid falling in love because it’s both amazing and horrible at the same time.”

“I love you, too. I want forever, Nate. You promised me that.”

“If I could lock you up and keep you all to myself, I would. I’m a selfish asshole. But not with you. Never with you. I love you too much not to push you toward your dream, even if it means leaving me behind.”

Dr. Swanson explained that Nate has an attachment style called anxious attachment that makes him clingy and afraid of losing me. According to the doctor, I have a secure attachment, which is the most common and helpful for someone like Nate. She believes my stability keeps him grounded.

Over the past two months of therapy, I have learned so much about Nate and me. I now understand why we work so well together. And why sometimes we’re a complete disaster.

Nate lowers me to the sand, and then we’re kissing and moaning into each other’s mouths. He climbs on top of me, his weight pressed down on me, our cocks rubbing together.

“We’ve never had sex on the beach,” he says, waggling his eyebrows. “What better way to commemorate your big moment?”

“You’re hurt,” I remind him. “We’re not supposed to?—”

“I don’t care if I’m dying,” he interjects. “There’s no way in hell I’m not fucking you on our last night together.”

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