Page 11 of Our Hearts to Break

Was I gay and didn’t know it?

I’m questioning everything I ever thought about myself and my sexuality. I never had boundaries with River. From day one, he was my person. Everything felt so natural and effortless with him. He went along with it, no matter what I suggested.

Parker nudges me with his elbow, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Cheer up, Brooks. You look fucking miserable.”

Eyes on the stage, I say, “I hate this place. The girls are beat. The music sucks. And I’m probably going to get herpes just from sitting on this stool.”

“You’re such a snob,” he teases and lifts a glass of scotch to his lips.

Here’s what I don’t get about Parker. His parents have boatloads of money. They own yachts, private jets, and mansions on every continent, and yet, he settles for low-class whores and cheap food. Poor people want to be rich, but no rich person wants to be poor.

“I’m not staying long,” I tell Parker. “I have a paper to finish for tomorrow’s class.”

It’s a lie, an excuse to return to the house and make out with River.

Parker’s eyes flick to River, and he reaches behind me to pat him on the shoulder. “You’ve been quiet tonight. What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” River bites out. “Tired.”

Parker rises from the chair to grab another drink from a topless woman. He moves between two of my teammates and offers to buy them a lap dance.

I choke down the rest of my drink and look at River. “I hate this bar. They have the worst strippers in Connecticut.”

“I know a place that’s more your speed.” River flashes a wicked smirk, keeping his voice low so our teammates can’t hear. “Wanna go? We can beourselvesthere.”

I get where he’s going with this, and excitement blooms in my chest. River told me about the gay club outside of town. He wants me to see if I like it.

I nod. “I’m down.”

River slides off the chair and drops a hundred-dollar bill on the table. “Let’s go.”

I add money to the pile for our teammates and say to Parker, “We’re out of here. I covered our tab and some. Remember, herpes is for life. Have fun. But not too much.”

“Dick,” he says as I walk away, and I laugh all the way to the car.

Iama dick… and I’m going to get mine sucked by my best friend.

ChapterFive

RIVER

On our way to Glitter,I tap my fingers on my thigh and stare at the cars passing us. As a kid, I could guess which headlights belonged to a specific make and model. It was a game I played with my dad on road trips.

To steady my nerves, I scan the next set of headlamps coming toward us. “Porsche Cayenne.”

“Are you sure about that?” Nate asks since he knows this game well.

As the car approaches, I say, “One hundred percent.”

“You’re never wrong.” He smirks as the car flies by, confirming I was right.

Nate stops at the red light and looks at me. “What’s up with you? You’ve been quiet all night. Barely talked to our teammates.”

Digging my teeth into my bottom lip, I avoid his gaze, knowing Nate is staring at me. “Thinking about the book. If it wasn’t Samantha, then who wrote it?”

“I don’t know. But our lawyers will find out. Stop worrying.” His hand slides onto my thigh, fingers digging into my jeans. “Try to put that shit out of your mind for tonight.”

“It’s not just the book. I’m also worried about?—”

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