Page 59 of Silver Secrets

“I’m so sorry, Red. I don’t know how I forgot that what happened to him was in your file.”

“It's okay. I know any part of this would be overwhelming and there are a lot of details to remember. But it’s why I wanted to be the one to share it with you.”

“I’m listening. Ready if you want to continue, or we can stop and talk about something else if you need a break.”

“I appreciate that.” She slid her hand across her lap and onto his thigh. It only took a second for him to scoop it up, wrapping her cold fingers in his. “Davis and I were walking back from campus when I started to feel… sick. There was this person walking behind us. I tried to warn him. I tried, Gage.”

“What happened?” he whispered.

“The attacker had a knife. He just kept stabbing him. Over and over and over. I couldn’t do anything except watch. You said I didn’t know what it was like to lose someone how you lost Melody and Mikey, but I do know. I watched the life drain out of my boyfriend’s eyes. All because he was with me.” She brushed at the tears streaming down her face. “I don’t have any memory of what happened next. But, like I’m sure Kimi told you, I woke up in a cave where I was held for almost three weeks before I finally escaped.”

“Red… did he…” Gage couldn’t get out the words. “Agent Liu didn’t tell us the extent of what you went through, but I can’t stop thinking…”

She let go of him, pulling her sleeves down over her wrist and hands. He watched as she gripped the fabric in her palms and formed tight fists around it. “He didn’t rape me. I know that’s what you’re wondering, because I can’t stand to be touched, right? That he must have sexually assaulted me, but he didn’t. He psychologically tortured me with touch. The first day, he took my clothes, and dumped water over me. He left me to freeze in that cave. It might have been summer, but it was still so cold. There was no food, no water. No way for me to get out of the shackle that was around my ankle. And then, he came back and offered to hold me for warmth. I refused at first. But then he had water, and food. All I had to do was let him hold me while I ate. I tried to keep refusing as time went on, but I was so scared. He was still drugging me and everything was so terrifying…”

“It’s okay that you did what you had to in order to survive, Sloane. That makes you incredibly brave.”

She shook her head. “The mask he wore, the way his voice sounded coming through whatever he used to distort it, it was awful. He told me he knew I was different because I let him hold me. That I was the one he’d been searching all along for. The perfect replacement. I just wanted to stay alive long enough to escape. So I played his game. But those horrible moments with his arms around me meant warmer clothes. Blankets left for me at night. I think that’s the only reason I didn’t die out there. How I was strong enough to not drink the water he left behind for me one day. How I was able to finally use the underwire in my bra he’d let me have back to pick the padlock holding me in place. And then I was running. And it took so long, Gage. It took so long to finally feel safe again.”

He reached up to wipe away her tears. She looked a million miles away, and he didn’t even know if she realized that she had started to cry.

“You were so brave. I’m so proud of you.”

“Sorry,” she sniffled. “I haven’t talked about it like that since I became Sloane. I know it’s a lot to digest.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t shut down and try to take care of me right now.”

“That’s not what?—”

“Yes it is. That’s what you do, baby. You care so much about everyone around you that you minimize what you’re going through. What you’ve been through. You focus on them so that no one sees you and your pain. I’m not going to let you do that anymore.”

She sat silently, worrying the edge of his sweatshirt in between her fingers.

“He used touch against me, Gage. It was what he wanted most from me. And he punished me until I was broken and gave him what he wanted. It’s why I can’t… It’s why I don’t like to have people touch me. Because it’s scary and dangerous and I never want to get to the point again where I need touch to survive.”

Fuck. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest. “I know it feels that way, but you are not broken. You are not damaged because of what he did to you. You are a survivor and whether you can see it now or not, youareso fucking strong.”

She shook her head. “I can’t even be in a dark room! I have to sleep with a nightlight on like a child because that cave was so dark, I’m scared of the smallest shadows. The last time I spent the night here, I had to sleep with your bathroom light on and the door fully open.”

“That’s understandable. You were in a fucking cave, Red. The dark would be triggering for anyone after that.”

“Why aren’t you hearing me?” Her voice was hysterical. “I couldn’t shower for weeks.Weeks, Gage, after I got out because it was so damp and cold in there. I tried. At the hospital, I got in the shower and I couldn’t breathe. It didn’t matter that the water was warm and the bathroom was clean. All it did was bring me right back there. Right back to him. It’s always going to be like this. Until he comes for me. Until he takes me.”

“I’m not going to let that happen,” Gage growled as he watched Sloane’s fists tightened so much that her fingernails were digging into the meaty flesh of her palms. He reached over, gently prying her fingers until they were laying flat against the table. “Don’t do that, Sloane. Don’t hurt yourself over this.”

Gage took her hand and placed it on his arm. “You need someone to take the pain out on, you dig your nails into me. You put that pain on my flesh, for me to handle. I’ll gladly take it for you.”

She squeezed her hand against his skin. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to hurt. It feels like there is nothing he won’t do to get to me if he finds me. We might already be out of time. And there’s a really big part of me that wants him to come, Gage. Because I want this all to be over. And I’m scared that means I have to die for it to be.”

“No.” The familiar sting of tears sprang in his own eyes, now mirroring Sloane’s. “God, Red. I thought the worst thing was when you pushed me away. But those tears. Seeing you cry knowing I can’t make it better right this instant is going to be my undoing. There is nothing in this world I won’t do to keep you safe. Nothing. If that means I have to tear him apart limb for limb with my bare hands, I will. You are safe with me.”

* * *

A scream had Gage jumping up from the couch so fast that he missed his footing, crashing to his knees before orienting himself. Fuck, he was in the living room. Who the hell had screamed like that? Before he could even finish his thought, another scream, so desperate and filled with pain, broke through the walls.

And that’s when everything slammed back into his mind. Sloane was sleeping in his bedroom, and a scream like that could only mean one thing. Someone had gotten past him and was trying to hurt her.

His feet pushed off the floor as he ran to his bedroom door. His hand slipped over the doorknob and he turned… but it was locked.

---