“Do not pretend that you do not know to what I speak,” she said to him, softening her tone and her expression both. “These past few weeks, you have not been yourself. I would say that you have been a shadow of who you are, but shadows are not nearly so sullen. Even they grow in the sun.”
“Rosalind…” He winced, for he knew what she was talking about.
Just as Victor had noticed Gerald’s less than palatable mood of late, he should not have been surprised that his sister had noticed also. Before Lady Hawkin’s engagement had been announced, his entire world had revolved around his sister. She was all he cared about, and he would do, and did do, anything for her.
Indeed, he had promised himself that now Lady Hawkins was out of the picture, he would turn his eye toward her future and find for her a suitor. Where he had also promised not to be so hard on her, and not force her as he had been doing, he still wished to see her wed, just as he knew she wished it too. Assuming it was to a man who she liked and wanted to be with.Something I did not think important but know now that I could not possibly expect less for her.
Yet he had practically ignored her these past two weeks. He had avoided her. He had spurned her. And the few times they had spent together, he had been withdrawn and miserable such that he hoped she might get the message and not try and force herself on him.
Clearly, she had noticed this turn. But such was her love for him that she wasn’t just going to ignore it.I hate her for that… just as I love her for it all the same.
“Something is wrong,” Rosalind said to him, urging him to open to her. “And do not say otherwise. You are not yourself, Gerald. Anybody can see that! Tell me please, what is the matter. I want to help.”
“It is nothing,” he said weakly, barely able to look at her.
“A lie,” she said. “You are my brother, Gerald. I love you more than…” She laughed. “More than sometimes you deserve. And if you think I am going to sit back and simply watch you deteriorate as you have been doing, then you clearly do not know me as well as I know you. So…” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Tell me, what is the matter.”
He sighed. “Why do you even care. There is nothing you can do.”
“Ah, so something is wrong,” she smirked. “Told you.”
There was no way that Gerald could tell Rosalind what was bothering him. That he had fallen for Lady Hawkins. That they had been sneaking around behind her back. That after all the times he had warned Rosalind off her best friend, citing her as a bad influence and beneath her, to admit that he now wanted her like he had never wanted anyone.I cannot face the shame. And my sister would be right to hate me for it.
“It is… it is nothing you can do anything about,” he said with a grimace. “Work related. That is all. It will fix itself soon enough.”
“Work related…” She frowned. “What is it? It is money?”
“What? No. Nothing like that.”
“A matter in Parliament?”
He shook his head. “Forget it, Rosalind. As I said, it is nothing –”
“Is it to do with Lord Blackwood?”
Gerald stiffened, for he hated his sister speaking of Victor. “No,” he growled. “Nothing to do with him. Of that, I promise you.”
She took note of his reaction, which perhaps was why she ventured her next question. “I heard a rumor of him, you know. Something I was certain to be a lie but…” She considered and then nodded as a means to show her bravery. “But I am wondering now if there is some truth behind it.”
“What…” His pulse quickened in warning. “What did you hear? Whatever it is, I am sure to is a lie.”
“I would hope so,” she said. “For I know you would have nothing to do with him, if it was true. But…” She bit into her lip. “But I have heard from others – a few people, as it is. That he is involved in… in…” Still, she could not bring herself to say it.
Gerald knew where this was going. From how nervous she was behaving, to the fact he could guess well enough at what unsavory activities she had heard people saying of Victor. Which was why he should have taken the opportunity to dismiss her before she voiced it. To shut it down and cover himself, because once it was spoken of, there was only one place for it to go. He knew he needed to stop her…
… and yet, as Gerald was feeling, he simply could not bring himself to say anything. He was just so tired of it all. Tired of the lies. Tired of pretending he was somebody who he wasn’t. Tired of his sister looking up to him when she should have been looking down.It is exactly what I deserve.
There was but one person in this world who knew the true Gerald, and she had not judge him. Dammit, she had liked him all the better for it. Would his sister be the same? He doubted it… but he felt too that she had a right to know. No more lies.
“Say it,” he said, resolved now to the truth.
She straightened up and looked at Gerald with a sense of accusation, that she knew the truth, just as she suspected his involvement. “That he is involved in one of those gaming houses located throughout London. The same which Aurelia’s family was indebted to.”
“Is that what you have heard?”
“Not just involved, that herunsone of them, Gerald.” She bit into her lip, struggling to finish her thought. There was pain behind her eyes, withheld because even now she could not believe what she was about to suggest. “And he is your friend, Gerald. You know him better than anybody.”
“What are you saying, Rosalind? Do not speak around the point.”