Page 66 of A Bride for the Wicked Duke

Oh, how Aurelia was trying her best. To hold her tongue. To keep her temper. To not rise to the bait because she did not want to cause a fuss or give a reason to alarm.But I am only so strong…

“Is this what it takes for you to be proud of me,” Aurelia snapped, yanking her hands back. “For me to lose weight, finally? Perhaps I will go one better? Starve myself to death, hhmm? That will really give you a reason to celebrate.” She crossed her arms and glared at her mother.

“Aurelia…” Her mother leaned back in shock. “Did I say something wrong?”

“What do you think?”

Aurelia’s mother was a stubborn woman. Indeed, she and Aurelia had fought over her weight many times and not once had she backed down.Why would she? In her mind, she is always in the right. And everything she says is aimed at improving me, as she thinks I need to be improved. It was such that Aurelia braced herself for her mother’s typical, defensive response.

Most strangely, her mother did no such thing.

“Can I let you in on a little secret?” her mother began, her tone softening.

“You… what?” Aurelia blinked, not sure how to respond.

Her mother sighed and sat down beside her, resting a hand on Aurelia’s thigh in comfort. “I know I am hard on you,” she began. “Perhaps a little more than that,” she added with a guilty chuckle. “But I hope you know I do it out of love.”

Aurelia scoffed. “Is that right? Then why has it never felt like that.”

“I suppose I should know better.” She gave Aurelia’s thigh a gentle squeeze. “And believe me when I tell you that I know exactly what you are going through. I know because…” She grimaced as if embarrassed but then nodded her head in confirmation, accepting what she was about to say. “My mother was the same way to me.”

“What?” Aurelia frowned at her mother; she looked up and down her mother’s petite body, wondering what she meant. “What does that mean?”

“I have never told you girls this,” she began awkwardly, looking away. “I was embarrassed, was why. But when I was your age, I was…” Another awkward laugh. “I was a little heavier than I am now.”

“How heavy…”

“Let me put it this way…” She raised an eyebrow at Aurelia. “If we were sisters, you would have been the skinny one.”

Aurelia’s mouth dropped open. “You are joking.”

“I am not,” she said rightly. “I was big, and my mother was not shy about letting me know it. In fact…” She shook her head. “When I finally became engaged to your father, she was the one who forced a diet on me, insisting that I could not be the wife I needed to be if I did not lose the wright. I hated her for that,” she then added bitterly. “As if being forced to marry a man I did not wish to was not punishment enough.”

“And father?” Aurelia pressed. “What did he… when he began to court you, did he say anything?”

She laughed. “I do not think he noticed. But we did not marry for love. We married because it was expected. Some days, I wish I hadn’t lost the weight. If I was going to marry, it might have been nice to have been myself.”

Aurelia could not believe what she was hearing. For all the times she and her mother had fought over her weight, she never could have imagined that her mother had been the same as her. She supposed it made sense, and she knew enough about her mother and father’s marriage to know it was not a happy one.

“I did not lose the weight for Lord Mildenhall,” Aurelia said softly. “That is not why…” She sighed. “It just happened, is all.”

“I know dear,” her mother said. “Just as I know this is not the marriage you expected or wanted. I think that is why I have been so over the top these past few weeks…” She gave her head a shake. “As if I could trick you into pretending that you are happy.”

“I am happy,” Aurelia said.

“You do not need to lie to me.”

Aurelia smiled. “I am not in love with Lord Mildenhall. But this marriage is still my decision, mother. You know that. And you know why I am doing it.”

“Just as I hope you know how proud of you I am.” She took Aurelia by the hand and gave it a kiss. “I do not say it nearly enough, but I am so, so proud of you. You did not have to do this, and Eveline especially…” She smiled. “She is just as grateful. We all are, dear. That you would put this family first as you have done, it is more than I could have ever expected or wanted from you.”

Aurelia felt tears brimming in her eyes and for once she did not try to stop them. She let them flow fully, which saw her mother begin to tear up with her. And for a few moments there, nothing was said, because nothing else needed to be. It was a conversation long overdue, but much needed with all things considered.

Still, Aurelia was not looking forward to this marriage but now more than ever she was accepting of it. One day, she would likely be able to look past her feelings for the duke, a bright spot in her life, but not a reality or a world she might have ever hoped to live in. And until that day came, thoughts of her family and why she was doing this was what she would focus on to see her through.

I might never be truly happy but at least I will be content. That is what I must live for. That is what I must focus on. My mother, my brother, my sisters… my family. They are whose lives matter the most, and in that I will find a slither of happiness on which to hold.

ChapterTwenty-Three

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