Page 64 of The Duke and the Hellion Bride

Magnus was not a coward and for that reason he would not avoid his wife this morning. He might have liked to. After the previous evening, seeing her again was the last thing he wished to do. But this was his home, he was the master of it, and he would not skulk about with his tail between his legs like some whipped puppy.

Thus, he joined this wife to break his fast as was expected. There was no good excuse not to, and every reason that he should. Even if now things felt different. Even if now they were confused in ways that they shouldn’t be, he wasn’t at all surprised.

“Good morning,” he said simply as he strode into the breakfast room. Diana sat in her usual place at the table, while Josephine and Adeline sat to her left and across from her. “How is everyone feeling today?”

He wasn’t sure what reaction he was expecting from his wife, but all things considered, what she gave him was as good as he could have hoped for. She looked up when he spoke, did not smile or appear to even see him, then went back to her plate of food.

Magnus grimaced at the cold reception, but he powered through the awkwardness as he made for his own seat at the head of the table. When he sat down, Diana did not look up or even acknowledge him. She continued to focus on her plate of food, expressionless, a coldness seeping from her pours which was entirely justified.

“I slept well, in case anyone was wondering.” Magnus chose to pretend that all was well, while sure to not act too cheerful because he did not want to lure his wife into a sense of false expectation. “Girls? How did we sleep?” A quick glance at his wife, but still she gave him nothing.

What did you really expect? After how you treated her last night. The fact she isn’t attacking you with that knife should be hailed as a victory.

Even having spent a whole night thinking about it, Magnus could still not fully explain his actions last night. Nor could he explain how he was feeling this morning – the reason he did not take his wife by the hand, drag her away, and apologize profusely for being a downright fool who had made a mistake but would not make it again. That was because he could not say for sure if he would make it again.

Everything had been going so well too. Dare he say, perfectly.

For him, the moment of completeness came when he saw the viscountess badgering his wife and without delay, he stepped in to defend her honor. He saw how much it meant to Diana, and that made him swell because he felt in that moment that he and she finally had something real.

And then it all came crashing down.

It wasn’t the sex that did it. Rather, it was the implication. Her mentioning of an heir. The realization that from here on out there would be no going back. That he would not only be a husband but a father, a carer, someone who would be relied on from this day onwards.

The nightmares that he had swirled through his subconscious. The feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, those which he had been running from his entire life. Suddenly, he felt unworthy, as if he had somehow tricked Diana into sleeping with him. He had never thought of himself as husband material. He certainly wasn’t father material. But once they did the deed, it was as if he had no choice.

And so, he did as he has always done, he ran.

“Diana was saying we could play outside again,” Josephine said eagerly. “May we, Uncle? Pleeeease!”

“Did she now?” he tried to catch Diana’s eye, and still she did not look at him.

“She did!” little Adeline squealed.

“Oh, I do not see why not,” he pretended to sigh. “On one condition. That I may join you.”

“Really?!”

“Of course,” he said simply, not looking at his wife this time, feigning ignorance of her mood as if she might suddenly decide that she was the one acting strangely.

Did Magnus even want her to acknowledge what had happened last night? As he spoke the words that he knew she would want to hear, his stomach twisted itself into knots because they felt wrong to say. He had left her last night for a good reason, a reason he had not come to terms with, and continuing in this manner of loving family and dutiful husband grated his senses and made him feel like a fraud.

He knew what he needed to do. He just didn’t know if he could do it.

Nonetheless, despite his feelings of conflict, when the four of them were done breaking their fast, Magnus joined his nieces and Diana outside, determine to push through the feelings of doubt that plagued him, certain that if he spent more time with them all, if he reminded himself of why he had fallen for Diana in the first place, he would realize how foolish he was being.

If only it was that simple.

First of all, Diana was clearly furious with him, and there was nothing in the way that she behaved that morning to suggest things were going to change. She avoided him as if he was the plague, refusing to say so much as a word, even when he spoke to her directly. The girls ran about chasing one another, Diana acted as a monster as she followed them, and Magnus could not find the enthusiasm to try and involve himself as he knew he should.

All he needed to do was apologize. Magnus knew that. But again, it felt as if she would know that he was saying the words without meaning them and as silly as it sounded, he felt he owed her more than that.

The second problem was that Diana and his feelings for her weren’t the cause of this calamity. He had real feelings for her. Dammit, Magnus was on the precipice of admitting that he loved her. Andthatwas the problem.

For all of his life, he had been on his own, and there was good reason for that. His childhood and those memories which haunted him. Feelings of weakness and powerlessness, never feeling good enough for another, unable to protect those he loved because he couldn’t protect himself. He was not worthy and as he watched Diana chase the girls, laughing and shouting with joy with them, he knew that to try and force this or pretend it was not an issue would only hurt Diana more than he already had.

“Oh, I have just remembered something,” he said suddenly, an idea coming to mind. “Girls, Diana...” He called out, edging to where they chased one another around the oak tree. “I hate to leave the three of you, but I am afraid I must.”

“Where are you going?” Josephine asked.

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