Page 66 of Bound By Threads
My throat tightens. I was never good at hiding things from them before, but this… this was different. This wasn’t just about me. My answer would shatter them, and as much as I hate them, I could never do that to them.
I’d been hiding this for years, through the bullying and the daily torment as they pushed and pushed in an attempt to get Tracey and Peter to pay the money back they owed. The secrets are buried deep in my soul, threatening to choke me.
I told myself lies to survive, and the part of my soul where I buried that night had shattered long ago.
I was no longer whole.
Looking down at my hands, I try to gather my thoughts.
Once upon a time,they were my safe space, my anchors in a world that felt too heavy for a kid my age. But that was before. Before the walls went up—before I locked myself away… and they let me.
I can feel myself hardening as I look down, gripping the edges of my cup. The anger I’ve felt simmering in my chest for years finally bubbles to the surface.
It’s hard to pretend everything is fine when I feel like a cracked mirror. “You really want to know?” I snap, my voice sharp enough to cut through the air. I can see Oscar glancing at me with concern, but I ignore him, focusing on the three in front of me.
Crew recoils slightly at my tone, but the betrayal I felt all those years ago is still fresh, and I can’t bring myself to care. Roman nods, but Elijah just stares as if he doesn’t know who I am anymore.
You and me both.I no longer recognize the girl in the mirror.
“You weren’t there. It’s as simple as that. I needed you all, and you turned your backs on me. I shut myself away, and instead of trying to figure it out, you turned on me.”
“We wouldn’t have…” Crew starts.
“Don’t,” I interrupt, my voice a warning. “I was broken, and you broke me further. I was protecting myself, and you mocked me for it. Made me suffer when you all knew what home was like for me. I was utterly alone…” I take another sip of coffee, trying to center myself again. “But I survived, and I refuse to allow you three to drag me back into that hellhole. I’m not whole… far from it, actually, but I’m free. I’m happy.”
“We still don’t know why…” Roman says, but I just laugh.
“And you never will…” I trail off.
I could easily let it slip.
Let them all know what I went through and watch as their worlds come crumbling down as they realize, but the words stick in my throat. As much as I want them to hurt, I won’t use my pain to do it.
“I was broken, and you all just kept pushing. Seeing how far you could break me further until I was nothing but smithereens at your feet. You pushed until it felt like it hurt to breathe. The three boys who claimed to be my protectors, promising to protect me from the monsters. But what do I do when they become the very ones they promised to save me from?”
“Tad dramatic, don’t you think?” Roman snarks, the same sneer in place as before, but I don’t rise to the bait. Doesn’t hurt any less, though.
“Maybe. But you’ve never sunk into the abyss with no one on the other side to pull you back.” I flick my eyes to theirs.
“I don’t expect any of you to understand. I don’t think you ever will, but you asked, and this is my answer. That’s all you get.”
“What if we want more?” Crew asks, picking at the nail of his finger. “What if we can’t take the vague bullshit you just fed us as the answer?”
I shrug. “That’s a you problem.”
“Will you answer if I ask something?” Crew tilts his head to the side, watching me as I debate his question.
“Maybe.” I finally answer.
He asks me a few questions.Some I answer, and some I don’t. Most are simple things, like what my favorite drink is now. Roman keeps sighing as if the questions are boring, and Elijah still hasn’t said anything. Crew, though, he’s hanging onto my every word as if he’s been starved of water since I left, and now he’s finally getting a sip.
“What happened to make you leave?” he questions, eyeing me carefully as if he’s expecting me to shut this question down.
“I lived with strangers.”
They all stare at me, confused. Why wouldn’t they be? As far as they’re concerned, I’ve only ever lived with my parents and Archer’s family.
“What?” one of them asks. I’m not sure who.
