Page 93 of Letters to the Lost

“I’m good. Pretty sure my specialty is upset children. Stay and talk to your parents, I’m going to make sure he’s ok and then get him to Kathleen.”

“No. You,” Chase mumbles through his tears, clinging to my girl harder.

“OK, buddy. Let's go, shall we?”

Watching her walk away and not following is hard but I stay where I am, watching her until she’s no longer in sight.

“Your father had the same look on his face after our first date. You are a goner for that girl,” Mom jokes but she’s not wrong.

I am a total goner for Autumn, and I regret nothing.

Chapter 34

To my Chlo,

This is my second Christmas without you, the pain isn’t any easier but I’m healing from losing you, even if it is slowly.

My Dad threw a party where I finally got to meet all of the guy's parents, and while it was terrifying it went much better than I thought it was going to go.

I also got to meet the cutest little boy, Chase, who couldn’t be older than you should be. Thoughts of you both being friends immediately swam through my head if you were still here. Wishing I could watch you run around the party with him while we all watch you both act like normal kids with smiles on our faces.

He freaked out near the end of the night though, a silly comment from Zander's mom made him think I was having a baby.

I’m not.

But the poor boy was so upset at the idea of it that I had to take him from the room and soothe him. He told me he wanted Dominic to adopt him, to be his daddy, and for me to do it too. It was his Christmas wish to Santa which broke my heart because I wish I could. I’d love nothing more than to give him the love he deserves, and Kathleen is getting too old to run after a kid but I’m still too broken and I’m petrified that I’d mess up like I did with you.

Life is still too dangerous to bring him into it. Not with Jane andYour daCharlie still out there.

I don’t think I’ll ever not think I failed you. I don’t think I’ll ever not think about scenarios where you get to experience life, happy and healthy. The constant ache in my chest intensifies whenever I do because Christmas and all the other holidays never feel quite right since I can’t see your face.

I wish you got to experience Christmas where you were so spoiled by the guys that I would act mad, pretending to be angry even when I’m holding back the smile threatening to break free.

I realized something today that shattered my heart just a little bit more as I shared a bag of Sour cream & Chive chips with Chase.

My snacks last a little bit longer now you aren’t here to steal them, I couldn’t bring myself to finish them. I can see them from where I’m sitting writing this, the bag of chips resting on the worktop near the trash can.

I don’t think I’ll ever finish them, Chlo.

I love you.

Mama

X

Chapter 35

Multi

‘Speechless – Dan & Shay’

Atlas

Istand motionless in the foyer as I watch entranced as my girl approaches, her black shimmering dress framing her new curves beautifully. I can’t look away from her, her blonde hair curled and tied up into a loose ponytail, a few strands loose that frame her face. Her makeup is flawless and while I know nothing about it, hers only enhances her natural beauty. The click of her heels as she enters the foyer, her arm linked with Brenn’s.

This is what we should have had.

Me sweating profusely as I nervously waited for her to come down those very stairs, her dad telling me to look after her and have her home by eleven.

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