Page 57 of The Billionaire Bodyguard Next Door

His hand paused his ministrations. “You have nothing to fucking apologize for. But I am going to need a name, sweetheart.”

I sighed heavily, his arm possessively coiled around me. “He’s not worth it.”

Beck tightened his grip, before coming to his senses and loosening it. I could hear the man’s heart ricocheting in his chest, damn near bursting out of it.

“I hate this,” he grumbled.

“I can tell. Your heart's racing like you're being chased by a polar bear.”

A chuckle rumbled from his chest. “As opposed to a brown bear.”

I shook my head. “That would be a totally different cadence.”

“And you’re a bear expert now?”

“Yup. Bar and bear expert.”

He blew air out through his teeth. “Quite the resume you have there.”

I shifted my body, draping my leg over him.

Beck hissed. “Don't make me shove a pillow between us.”

“You would if I asked you to.”

He planted a kiss on the sensitive spot behind my ear. “I would.”

“It happened one night at Paige’s apartment.”

His grip tightened, and I’d bet money he'd done it inadvertently. It was as if he were bracing himself.

“Paige was my best friend at the time. I was pissed you hadn't called me, and she insisted we go out to take my mind off things.”

I inhaled deeply. “We went to a club and then Paige invited some guys home. She'd insisted even though I asked if we could just walk home and grab a slice of pizza along the way. The confusion started before we even left the club. I’d been upset about—” Beck turned to me, eyes colliding with mine as he listened. “I’d been upset about how things had gone down between us and between that and the long days and nights of working, I figured I just needed sleep. But then the dizziness started, and I knew something was very wrong. I was passed out on Paige’s couch when I came to. One of the guys was fondling me with one hand and his dick in the other hand. My limbs felt like lead and my head was fuzzy, but somehow I managed to shout. My voice probably was barely above a whisper but somehow Paige heard it. She stormed out of her room and kicked him out when she saw tears running down my face.”

“I’m glad she was there to stop him,” Beck said fiercely, jaw clenched.

Sometimes I was grateful for that too, but mostly I hated that she left me alone with him. How could she not have seen how fucked up I was? She’d trusted these strangers implicitly.

“Deep down, I know it wasn’t her fault. Countless hours of therapy taught me that. By knowing something in my head and feeling it in my heart were two different things. I can’t separate it out, no matter how hard I try. And trust me, I’ve tried.”

He hummed in understanding.

“It’s like all the fear and feelings from that night are tied up with her too.” I turned so that I faced Beck without craning my neck.

“Are you still friends with Paige?”

I shook my head. “I stopped talking to her. I tried to remain friends at first. But then I changed so much after that night. I stopped drinking, I stopped partying for fun. I cut off most of that friend group, opting to focus on my work and my business and making sure that what happened to me didn’t happen to others.”

Beck combed my hair with his fingers, the little gesture a soothing balm over the heavy conversation. “Do you miss it?”

The air whooshed from my lungs. Nobody has asked me that. Most of my current friends only knew me as a sober person. Everyone I hung out with in thebefore timeswere no longer part of my circle. I don't think I'd even asked myself the question. And I definitely didn’t say anything to my mom. She would have somehow blamed me for getting myself into that situation. Probably would have asked what I was wearing and how much I drank, as if that made it okay for anyone to lay their hands on someone without consent.

But the partying—did I miss it? “I’m not sure.”

Beck waited for me to continue, his grip even tighter than before. He proceeded with caution, the little groove between his brows deeper than I'd ever seen it. The expression on my face silently asked if how we were laying was okay.

“It's hard to miss it when I'm surrounded by it.”

---