Page 5 of Oh Holy Knight

“Hold the phone—you’re on Pinterest?”

Oh, to be a fly on the fucking wall, man.

“What’s next? You going to tell me you shop at Hobby Lobby too?” I tease.

“Keep it up, kid, and Santa is going to bring you fucking coal for Christmas,” he grinds out. “Now, quit busting my balls and pay attention. Every night, after Anna goes down for the night, you’re going to move the elf around the house. The more pretend trouble the little fucker gets into the better. When Anna wakes up, she’s gonna go searching for the elf to see what kind of mischief he got into while she was sleeping. Then, the night before Christmas Eve the elf is going to make his journey back to the North Pole where he’ll report to Santa on whether Anna made the nice list or the not.”

Like there’s a shot in Hell that Anna will ever be on the naughty list.

“So, let me get this straight, this little bastard is a rat and I’ve gotta move him around the house every night?”

Who signed me up for this gig?

“Basically.”

“What if I forget to move it?”

The odds are great.

“Set an alarm on your phone, write yourself a fucking note—whatever it takes. You fuck this up and I’ll kill you.”

“Gee, who pissed in your cornflakes?” I mumble.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” I say, clearing my throat. “I’m the Elf Bitch, I got it. Anything else?”

“Yeah, church tonight at eight. Be there.”

Then he hangs up, making it clear there is no room for argument. Not about the little spy in the basket and certainly not about attending church. I toss my phone onto the coffee table and shake my head. I swear the man gets grumpier and crazier with age.

I place the book next to the basket and slap my hands on top of my thighs. I’m about to join Anna and Enzo in the kitchen for some chocolate balls when the front door opens. Smiling, I turn my head just as a shopping bag comes flying through the doorway. The grin falls from my face and my eyes narrow as six more bags follow. When Carrie finally appears, she stumbles through the door carrying a fucking toy soldier that’s as tall as her.

Christmas, man.

It brings out the crazy in everyone.

Sighing, I rush to help her, taking the life size thing from her hands. Where we’re putting this, I have no fucking idea.

“Um, Carrie, babe, what is all this shit?” I ask, setting the soldier down next to the stairs. She kicks the bags out of her way and closes the door. Turning to face me, she inches up on her tip toes and presses a kiss to my lips. I forget all about the shopping bags and the larger than life solider and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her close.

Now, this is more like it.

Fuck the elf.

And the toy soldier too.

She brings her hands to my cheeks and breaks the kiss before I can really turn things up and slide my tongue inside her mouth.

Well, that was short lived.

A groan sounds from the back of my throat and I open my eyes. My gaze wanders to her swollen lips and I silently wonder if she’d mind prolonging the tree trimming escapades. Enzo seems to be doing a good job at occupying Anna and it would take hardly any effort to throw Carrie over my shoulder, carry her upstairs and bury my face between her legs.

I’m about to suggest just that when she shrugs her leather jacket off and turns to enter the living room. She stops suddenly and a yelp sounds from her mouth. Spinning around to face me, she points toward the coffee table.

Why does she look horrified?

I touch the top of my head to check if I’m still wearing the tiara.

---