Page 21 of Oh Holy Knight

Dope.

“It was only a matter of time before Maria kicked your ass to the curb, so what did you do to finally make her come to her senses?” Parrish taunts.

We should’ve had him committed when we had the chance, when the fucking man thought a black crow was his best friend. Now, he’s got the crazy under control but he’s an even bigger thorn in my side.

“Oh, where do I begin,” Riggs says, pulling out a chair. He flips it around and straddles the back. “First, there was the whole extension on the house debacle that still isn’t done.”

“Not our fault,” Bishop defends.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. The poor woman’s couch is still on her front lawn.”

“She was awfully mad when the light fixture fell out of the ceiling,” Bash agrees. “I even rigged it to the coat rack so she could still plug it in, and she smacked me with a wooden spoon.”

“Welcome to the family,” Riggs says. “You’ve officially been inducted.”

I really thought the chandelier would’ve been the tipping point, but we got past that. I convinced Lady to have patience, that Enzo and the boys would have the project complete this week. Everything would be smooth sailing once it was done. Of course that didn’t happen and it turns out the renovations were the least of our Christmas troubles.

But the thing that sent her over the fucking edge was when she got a call early last night from the police station. I was doing a little last-minute Christmas shopping when I saw a line outside GameStop. Curious to see why people were camping outside the fucking store, I started chatting up one of the workers. I quickly learned they got in a shipment of Playstation consoles and were giving out tickets to the first couple of hundred people standing on the line. Now, I didn’t know what this Playstation thing was, so I asked Siri to give me the scoop and I came to discover this thing was a hot ticket item. Anna was too young for it, but the kids at Frankie’s house would probably love it, so I got on the line.

About two hours into this operation the person in front of me started waving across the parking lot to a group of people. They came over to him and got on the line. I’m not the type of guy to give anyone shit about cutting—that’s a pussy thing to do—but when it came time to giving out the tickets, I didn’t get one because the guy and his posse got the last of them.

Fuck that shit.

I didn’t freeze my ass off for six hours just to get the shaft because I was a nice guy.

No, not me.

I calmly tapped the fella on the shoulder and told him one of those tickets were mine. If the people behind me wanted to duke it out with him, that was there problem. I just wanted my ticket. I mean, what’s fair is fair.

The son of bitch told me to fuck off.

Well, nice guy or not, no one tells me to fuck off. I snapped, pummeling the guy to the floor and tried to pull the ticket out his hand with my teeth. I know, I know—not my finest moment. But I was stressed. I had Maria breathing down my neck over the renovations, Riggs fighting with me about having turkey on Christmas Eve—the guy swears it’s not a holiday unless he captures a wild bird from the hospital grounds—Nico sending me pictures of the engagement ring her purchased, and Enzo threatening to jump on a plane to Costa Rica every five fucking minutes. Not to mention, Parrish was still trying to steal my holiday. We still didn’t have seven fishes—only five—and we still had yet to fill the box in the back bar with toys.

Oh, and let’s not forget my fight with the tailor. I specifically told him to take two inches off the waist. Instead, he took four inches off the length. Santa’s wearing high waters this year. Forget the presents, he’s going clam digging.

So, yeah, I was the end of my rope.

I wound up breaking the guys nose.

He pressed charges on me, and I got locked up. Normally I would’ve called Parrish or Pipe to bail me out, but Parrish was just itching to see me fail and Pipe, well he runs his mouth like one of those old broads who hangs out the window and spies on all the neighborhood kids. I have no doubt the little bitch would’ve ran straight to Parrish as soon as he hung up the phone, so he was out too.

Lady was the best option.

I expected her to call her son, Anthony, to bail me out, but she showed up to the precinct herself and the second I heard her heels clicking across the linoleum floor, I knew I was fucked. She posted my bail and as soon as we exited the precinct, she handed me a garbage bag full of my clothes. Apparently, I’m not allowed back in the house until her couch is off the lawn. That, or, as she so eloquently put it, I pull my big fat head out of my ass—whichever comes first.

The front door to the bar opens and Enzo walks in with Nico on his heels.

“I told you he’d be here,” Nico says, slapping Enzo on the back.

There’s only so much a man can take before he breaks and these two are enough to send me over the edge. I pull myself together and stand, making a mental note to pull the air mattress out of the back room. If I have to spend another night here, I can’t be sleeping on a wooden chair. Considering how things are going, it’s really no wonder the fucking thing didn’t collapse with me on it last night.

“Hey, Dad, we got to talk,” Enzo says.

“Not until I’ve had my coffee,” I mutter, making my way to the espresso machine behind the bar.

“It’s about the renovations.”

Fuck the espresso.

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