Page 1 of Oh Holy Knight

Chapter One

Wolf

“Fucking Hell,”I rasp, drawing out a deep breath. My fingers wrap tightly around the leather steering wheel as I turn my head to the passenger window of my Silverado. There are seldom times when I trade two wheels for four, but I didn’t want to risk ruining the delicate pine arrangement by strapping it to the back of my bike. My gaze focuses on the scenery outside the window. The sprawling hills of Green-wood cemetery, and the bare old oak tree. Just to the right of it my youngest son, Frankie, rests for all eternity. I’d like to tell you that it gets easier, but that would be a big fat lie and while I’m a lot of things, a liar ain’t one of them.

I pull the keys out of the ignition and open the door. My boots hit the pavement and I drag in another breath as I round the back of the pickup and pull down the tailgate. I stare at the festive blanket that lays on the bed of the truck perfectly unscathed. The fresh pine is decorated with little red ornaments and a ribbon that has red cardinals printed on it. There is also a little wooden plaque in the center that reads ‘On angels wings you were taken away, but in my heart you will always stay.’

I carefully lift the arrangement out of the truck, bending my head to breath in the fresh scent of pine and start up the hill. A blast of wind hits me as I reach Frankie’s grave and my grip on the blanket tightens.

If only I could’ve held onto him this tight.

If only I could’ve kept him safe.

If only he were still here with me.

I wait for the wind to settle and when it does, I fall on bended knee in front of my son’s grave. For all the times I’ve visited him, seeing his name etched in stone still steals my breath and brings me back to the moment God called him home. I held his mother in my arms as he took his last breath and vowed to give his infant daughter the best life imaginable.

It’s been an adventure living in Anna Banana’s world, but a joyous one for sure. She heals us with her smile and her bubbly personality. In a lot of ways that precious little girl is just what us Scotto’s needed to go on after such a tragedy. But even the sound of her sweet giggles can’t help me around Christmastime.

It’s when Maria pulls out the decorations and hangs the stockings on the mantle. It’s the empty chair at the dining room table. It’s watching my two older sons raise a glass at midnight to honor their brother. Those are the times when I feel the loss most. When my heart aches and the emptiness threatens to swallow me whole.

It’s the very reason I’ve checked out on the holidays and have relied on my brothers to oversee the timeless traditions. Everyone has done their part over the last two years. Jack and Reina have hosted Christmas Day and Pipe has organized the annual Satan’s Knights toy drive, making sure we remain prominent figures in our community. And let me not forget Riggs—if it wasn’t for him, Big Nose Kate’s wouldn’t have gotten that mention in the Staten Island Advance for being one of the best decorated places on the island. People from Brooklyn and New Jersey came to see his infamous light show. The inflatable Harley riding Santa perched on the roof was a hit. So were the bikers in the manger. The crazy fuck dressed a bunch of mannequins in leather and called them the Three Wise Knights.

They did good.

They did me proud.

But as the patriarch of the Scotto family and the president of the Satan’s Knights motorcycle club, it’s time for me to take back the reins. This year we’re going to have a jolly fucking Christmas if it kills me.

It’s the first year Anna understands the concept of Santa Claus which means her grandpa needs to put on his big boy pants and pull out all the stops. Throw my balls to the wall as my son, Enzo, would say. Anything for our Anna.

We’re going to have an old-fashioned Italian Christmas, complete with the Feast Of The Seven Fishes. We’re going to bake cookies and hot-glue gingerbread houses because the icing never sticks and when I’m done with the lights, astronauts will be able to see my house from fucking Mars. I’m also going to have my brothers put an extension on the house to fit everyone at the table. The days of the kids sitting at a card table with their chicken nuggets and French fries are over, they’re going to sit next to their parents and develop a palate for the finer things in life…starting with scungilli. To top it all off, I even took my Santa suit out of the attic and Lou Monte’s Dominick The Donkey has been playing on a continuous loop at the clubhouse.

The wind continues to blow around me as I lay the blanket in front of Frankie’s tombstone. I reach into my back pocket, retrieving the stakes the garden center gave me to secure the arrangement. The ground is hard from the bitter cold and it takes some force to get the stakes into the dirt. Once I’m sure the blanket isn’t going anywhere, I lean back on my haunches, bring my hands to my mouth and blow into my palms. It doesn’t do much to warm me so I try rubbing them together. When that doesn’t work either, I smack them against my thighs and sigh.

Frankie’s name stares back at me.

Taunting me and breaking my damn heart all over again.

“Hi, Son,” I rasp, forcing a swallow. “It’s dad.”

I always start with the same words and they always leave a sour taste in my mouth. It shouldn’t be like this. No parent should have to visit their child in a cemetery and be forced to talk to slab of stone. It wasn’t right when I watched Jack do it and it ain’t right now.

“Getting cold,” I say as I straighten the ribbon on the blanket. “The weatherman says it may snow this week.” Those words make the corners of my mouth lift slightly. “As soon as Maria heard that she went and bought Anna a pink snowsuit. To be fair, I drove her and then after we left the children’s boutique, I made a stop at Dick’s for a sled. Carrie says she’s too young to go sledding and I guess she’s right, but that won’t stop me from building a little hill in my backyard. Two feet should be a good enough dip to entice her little giggles.”

A full smile spreads across my face as I picture it.

Oh, the joy.

“She’s the best, but I don’t have to tell you that.”

Our Anna has a beautiful life here on Earth, but up there in Heaven, she has the greatest guardian angel.

Her daddy.

“This Christmas will be the first that she actually understands and appreciates the magic of it all and I want you to know that I’m going to make it real special for our girl.” My throat starts to tighten, and I pause for a beat. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly about when you were young. You didn’t believe in Santa for too long because your brothers were little assholes and had to go and ruin it for you. But for the few short years that you did believe…well, those were the best Christmases of all.”

Frankie’s mom, Sophie, my third wife, is Jewish and she wanted Frankie to follow in her faith, but I still made sure my boy got the same over the top Christmases that his brothers received. She would be lighting her menorah and I’d show up at her house with the tallest Balsam Fir in the lot. Nico and Enzo always came with me and I’d sit back and watch my three sons fight over which ornaments they were gonna hang on the tree. Then, when the tree was trimmed, I’d lift Frankie onto my shoulders and help him place the twinkling star at the top.

I may not have been the hands-on father they deserved, but all three of my sons had great Christmases—a fact both Nico and Enzo reminded me of this week. But it was Sophie who actually lit the fire under my ass and forced me to realize that if Frankie were here, he would do everything in his power to pass on those traditions to his little girl. I told Sophie to polish up her menorah for our granddaughter and went home to Maria and informed her that we were having Christmas this year. She was all for it, and together we made a list of all the traditions we wanted to pass down to our grandkids. We even found some new ones to partake in, like this Elf On The Shelf thing. That little fucker wasn’t around when my boys were young, but it’s a hot commodity these days and when I leave here, I’m dropping an elf on Nico’s doorstep. Moving that bastard every night can be his job.

“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your brothers got the message to me and I promise you Anna is going to have a wonderful Christmas. And though we’ll be celebrating her, we’ll still be missing you.”

Gone but never forgotten.

Rising to my feet, I lay a hand on top of his tombstone and say a quiet prayer. Then, I bring my hand to my heart and stare at his name once again.

“Merry Christmas, son."

Heaven sure is lucky.

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