Page 81 of Straightened Out

One can wish.

One can pray.

He lowers his head, touching his lips to mine and kisses me slowly. It’s tender, loving and my complete undoing. Emotion floods me and I hug him even tighter, swallowing the groan that slips from his mouth to mine. I hold back my tears and try to make sense of what I’m feeling as he breaks our kiss and slowly pulls out of me.

That was more than sex.

It was love.

It was commitment.

It was what happens when two people realize they need more than statuses and dreams. It’s the thing people struggle to find their whole lives and when they do, they’re terrified of losing it.

I turn to face him just as he rolls out of bed. My eyes trail to his ass and I watch as he pads to the bathroom to deal with the condom. When he returns, he slips into bed and lays beside me. There are no words and for a moment that terrifies me. Then he reaches for my hand and squeezes it. But he doesn’t look at me. His eyes are trained to the ceiling when he says, “I put a bid on a condo for you today.”

The revelation shocks me, and I quickly sit up.

“I’m sorry…what?”

He ignores the question and continues to speak to the ceiling.

“I’ve got this big empty house that only feels like home when you’re in it and still, I put the bid out there because I keep telling myself if I keep you at a safe distance my life won’t bleed into yours.” He pauses and turns to me. “But it’s inevitable, isn’t it? I hate to admit it, but they’re all right. Your mother, Joaquin…” His voice trails and he shakes his head. “Even Johnny, Richie and Bruno. They don’t say it, but I can tell think I’m in over my head and who knows, maybe they’re right.”

I swallow as he draws in a deep breath and sits up. He leans against the headboard and brings our joined hands to his chest.

“My life is a mess, Violet.”

The more he speaks, the more anxious I become. Forget the apartment thing…he sounds like he’s about to end things between us and I am not willing to go down without a fight.

We’re not perfect.

There’s a million red flags and I’m just blowing past them all.

How can I not? How can I let this go when it’s all I’ve ever wanted?

“So is mine,” I blurt. “Somedays I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I chase a dream I’m not sure I still have because the idea of failing at anything disgusts me. I have a brother who doesn’t pick up the phone and a mother who most days I can’t figure out if she loves me or hates me. Everyone’s life is a mess, Rocco, some people just hide it better than others. But I get what you’re saying. I understand that you’ve got a lot of stress right now, but you chose your path. You didn’t yield to caution, you bulldozed past it and now you’re gonna sit here, after spending most of the night inside of me, and tell me your life is a mess expecting me to what—change how I feel about? Run?”

He shakes his head.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

I draw my brows together.

“So, you’re not breaking up with me?”

“No, Bug, I’m telling you I hope they don’t accept the offer.” Releasing my hand, he turns and touches his palms to my face. “I’m saying I’m a selfish son of a bitch because I don’t care how messy life is or how messy it’s going to get, I don’t want you in an apartment on the other side of the island. I want you here. I want you right fucking here. Say yes and I give you my word I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.” His thumbs gently caress my cheeks as he leans forward Move in with me, Bug, let’s make this fucking monstrosity a safe place where can go to escape when the world gets too messy. “

I stare at him blankly, processing the request.

“You want me to move in with you.”

“It’s fast I know.”

Maybe to an outsider but to the twelve-year-old girl who thought Rocco Spinelli hung the moon, it’s been a long time coming. But before I can tell him any of that, the alarm system sounds, alerting us that there is someone at the door. Rocco mutters a curse and drops his hands away from my face. Twisting around he grabs the remote from the nightstand and turns on the massive flatscreen television and livestreams the footage from the security cameras. I follow his gaze and stare up at the screen, watching as two men approach the front door.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Rocco growls. He climbs out of the bed in a flash and grabs a pair of slacks.

“What’s going on?” I ask, tucking the sheet under my arms as he pulls the pants up his legs. He pulls up the zipper but doesn’t bother with the top button. Bringing his eyes back to me, he replies, “Nothing, this conversation isn’t over. I won’t be long.”

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