Page 18 of Fight Or Flight

“What do you mean?”

Turning my head, I stare at the street.

I have no idea what I mean. I’m so fucking confused I don’t know if I’m coming or going. One minute I feel guilty and like it’s my mission in life to protect this girl I don’t even know, the next I’m standing in the kitchen trying my hardest not to stare at her boobs. If there are going to be ground rules, someone should tell her she needs to wear a bra to bed.

“She came here looking for her father because her mom is dying and all she got was a death certificate and I’m the reason.” I divert my eyes back to him and shake my head. “How fucked up is that?”

And why the hell couldn’t Bones’ daughter be ugly?

Why did he have to leave behind a stunner?

“Dude, seriously? It’s not your fucking fault. Bones made a decision to jump in front of that bullet and judging by the stories we’ve heard growing up, he would’ve made the same decision over and over again. That’s just who he was.”

Deep down I know he’s right, that none of this is really my fault, but I can’t help but feel as though I somehow cheated her out of a father. Call it survivor’s guilt or whatever the fuck you want, but it’s real and I don’t think I’ll be shaking it anytime soon. Especially not with her living here. I am going to see her face every damn day. I will have to look into those sad eyes of hers and know that I’m the reason she’ll never know her dad. My family can do all the righteous things they want, but we’ll never make up for what she’s lost no matter how hard we try to and that’s a fucking fact.

But the shittiest part of this whole situation is knowing she has yet to process any of it. She’s so focused on her mother that she hasn’t mourned the father she’ll never meet. She’s going to resent me. She’s going to fucking hate me. I think that’s why I brushed her off last night. I would rather she hate me from the beginning than have her hate me after I’ve had the chance to like her.

Danny snaps his fingers in front of my face, demanding my attention.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

He hands me back the joint.

“What do your parents say?”

I shrug.

“We haven’t really discussed anything. They spent the first night at the hospital and then yesterday morning they sat us down to tell us Joss was dying and that they were going to be Brooklyn’s guardians. The club took her to get her stuff in Connecticut, and we spent the rest of the day moving everyone around.” I pause for a second to see if I’m missing anything. “They want us to befriend her.”

Like that’s going to help matters.

“So, that’s what you do.”

Easy for him to say—he didn’t have a midnight encounter with her headlights. He didn’t leave her standing in the kitchen like a lost puppy to spend the rest of the night wishing he was blind. Guilt or no guilt, not only do I have eyes, I’ve got raging hormones and they don’t come with an off switch.

“You tell her the stories we all heard growing up and let her know how great of a guy her dad was,” Danny continues. “Who knows, it may even make you feel better about things.”

I arch an eyebrow.

Doubtful.

Still, maybe he’s onto something.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve got it planted in your head that you took her father from her, but if you tell her about him and give her a chance to know him like we do, it’ll be like you’re giving him back to her. I don’t know man; I’m fucking high as a kite. It sounded like a good idea in my head.”

I chuckle slightly before diverting my attention back to the street. I can totally tell Brooklyn about her dad. I’ve heard all the stories and I’ve seen all the pictures. I don’t know if it will help either of us, but it might be worth a shot.

“Is she going to go to our school?” Danny asks, interrupting my thoughts.

I draw my attention back to him and think about that for a second. No one mentioned anything about school, but if she’s going to be living with us permanently, it only makes sense she goes to the same school as me and Rob. I just don’t know when that will be. While we were all getting ready to leave this morning, she was putting the sheets on the newly delivered hospital bed.

“I guess, but with her mom being so sick I don’t think there is any immediate plan for her to enroll.”

“You said she’s your age, right?”

I nod.

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