Page 68 of Cocky Jerk

I scratch my cheek.

“Well, Ma, you see, before you knocked so pleasantly on my door—"

She pushes past me, and I bang my head against the door.

Definitely gonna need that CAT scan.

“Oh my God! Your kitchen was on fire? Why didn’t you tell me your kitchen was on fire?” she shrieks, spinning around. Charging for me, she grabs my face. “Are you okay? You didn’t suffer any burns, did you? You’re too pretty.”

She forces my mouth open.

“Stick your tongue out and say ah.”

If only you knew where my tongue was you wouldn’t be asking me to do that.

A loud bang sounds from my bedroom, and my mother drops her hands.

Thank fuck.

“Did you hear that?”

Having enough of this circus, I swipe a hand over my face and call Antonia.

“Who?”

“Come out of the bedroom,” I shout. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

God help us both.

My mother’s eyes go as wide as saucers as the door to my bedroom slowly opens. Antonia creeps out of the room, fully dressed in a pair of yoga pants and the same t-shirt, her hair in a bun on top of her head. A very high bun that makes me do a double take. It looks like there’s a beehive on top of her head.

“Ma, this is Antonia. Antonia, my mother, Carmella.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Pirelli,” Antonia says, smiling sheepishly.

Oh, I get it.

She’s going for the innocent look.

The‘I didn’t just have your son’s mouth on my pussy’look.

Cute.

My mother scrutinizes Antonia for another minute before looking back at me.

“You have a girl in your apartment.”

“Are you sure you’re not a detective?” I ask, mildly amused.

“I was starting to wonder if you were gay.”

My mouth hangs open in shock. Did she really just say that?

“What?”

“Don’t what me! You’re almost thirty. I should have three grandchildren by now.” She slices her eyes back to Antonia. “It’s so good to meet you, honey.” Then the smile falls from her face and her eyes go wide again. “Father Murphy said you got into a scuffle over a girl. Is this the reason you broke the sacred saint?”

“It’s a good story to tell the grandkids, no?” I retort, ignoring Antonia’s red cheeks and the lethal glare she shoots my way.

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