Page 78 of Blackout: Book Two

Chapter Twenty-five

Blackie

I’ve knocked on death’s door more than a man should in his lifetime and yet I’ve never been as fucking terrified as I am right now. It’s pretty ridiculous considering I’ve wished for this. Even prayed for it if you can believe that.

“You’ve got that look on your face,” Sunny comments, pointing a finger at me. “What’s wrong?”

As someone who has had everything taken from him more than once, it’s hard to let myself get excited about anything. Especially, when it comes to things like freedom and being home for my daughter’s arrival.

I was sure Schwartz was fucking with me when he handed me those blank progress reports five weeks ago. So sure, I shoved them in the bottom of a drawer and forgot about them until he called a week later asking for them.

It’s still hard to comprehend that the son of a bitch has that much pull with the courts and the main reason why I haven’t told anyone other than my counselors who are testifying in front of the judge today on my behalf. The other reason is I don’t want to give Lacey false hope. I don’t want to sell her a dream and then have circumstances beyond my control make a liar out of me.

No more promises.

Only actions.

“Dominic?”

Slicing my attention to her, I stare at her thoughtfully.

Then, there’s the other thing that’s gnawing at me. What if I’m not ready to leave? What if I go back home and fuck everything up? As much as I want to be reunited with Lacey and be there for when the baby is born, I want to be the man they need. Not the one that disappoints them. I don’t want Lacey to doubt me and more than that, I don’t want to doubt myself.

And yet there is one question burning my tongue.

“What if I relapse?” I ask her quietly, narrowing my eyes at the progress report she holds in her hand. “Do you really believe what you wrote on that piece of paper or did you do it because I forced your hand?”

Sighing, she drops the paper on the table and crosses her arms against her chest. She doesn’t answer me at first and I figure that’s because I called her on her bluff.

“You know me four months now, right?”

“Just about,” I confirm.

“Have I ever bullshitted you?”

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head.

“Not that I recall.”

“So, what would make you think I’d fudge paperwork that will be used in a court of law? I like you, Dominic. I think you’re a good person despite all those tattoos and the whole Satan worshipping thing.”

“I don’t worship--”

“Never interrupt a woman when she’s talking,” she chastises. “Especially when she’s saying something you need to hear. I think you’re the business, Dominic, but make no mistake about it, I would never lie in a court of law. It’s my job to put your best interests first and I wouldn’t sign off on something if I thought you were incapable of living your best life. We got off to a rough start but once you started taking your treatment seriously, you progressed. You now see yourself in a new light. I think it’s even safe to say you have respect for yourself and that’s the core principle of recovery. Does that mean there won’t be days where you struggle? Absolutely not, but should temptation strike, you know what to do and I’m always here for you.”

“It’s hard for me to trust myself,” I admit. “In the past, I’ve wanted to change. To be a better man for Lacey, but I always chose wrong. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to break the cycle.”

“You have already and I have no doubt you will continue to do just that,” she replies adamantly. “The last four months haven’t been a walk in the park. There have been many times when it would’ve been much easier to give into temptation than face what was going on in your life.”

I guess she has a point.

“Lacey still doesn’t know about the hearing?”

I shake my head.

“I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop and if that happens, I don’t how she’ll react. She’s been doing well on her medication. I didn’t realize how depressed she really was until she started to become excited over the baby. It’s a shame it didn’t hit her until we were in the homestretch.”

“Three more weeks,” she points out.

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