Page 59 of Blackout: Book Two

“I’m having such a sense of déjà vu right now,” she says as she lifts her hands to my chest. Peering up at me under the fringe of her lashes, she gives me a bashful smile and my chest tightens at the sight. She’s right, we’ve shared a moment like this before but for the life of me, I can’t place when.

“Do you remember after the whole Jimmy Gold mess when I visited you in the hospital?”

Ah, there it is.

It was just after the overdose that caused my heart attack when no one knew about us. No one knew she had crept into my heart and taken it hostage or that she was rooted in my soul, not even me.

“You were wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, and I swear my ovaries exploded. I knew then I wanted to have all your babies,” she says, and I laugh. My laughter quickly dies, though, as she takes my hands and places them on her stomach.

“Now, I’m having your daughter.”

“Yeah, you are,” I reply hoarsely as I move my hands around her belly, hoping to feel her move. She doesn’t, and that’s okay. I’m just happy to be this close to her. To be this close to them both.

“At least I know Riggs won’t interrupt us with a pizza this time,” she teases. The second she mentions pizza I lift my gaze and look over her shoulder at the pizza box sitting on the table. I forgot all about my quest to deliver on her cravings.

“Speaking of pizza,” I start, dropping my hands from her belly to hold hers. With our hands clasped together, I lead her to the table. “It’s probably cold by now. It’s not Denino’s or L & B, but I thought--”

“You had a pizza delivered?”

“Not exactly, I had Sunny run out and grab it.”

“You got me a pizza,” she whispers, turning to face me.

“Well, yeah, but don’t get all hormonal on me. I wanted to see if you could eat the entire thing or if you were just blowing smoke.”

“Oh, I’m so going to have all your babies.”

She sure fucking is.

A whole goddamn brood.

I watch her attack the pizza and I swear I’ve never seen anything more beautiful or comical. She sheds the leather jacket and goes to town. After four slices, she comes up for air and we start to talk. I go to move the box, but she slides it closer, explaining she’s just digesting. I get a kick out of that and I wish I could do this every day.

She asks me about my recovery, and I share some of the things I discovered through therapy. Like, how I started using drugs at sixteen to cope with the fact my mother was dying. I never shared much of my childhood with Lacey. She knew my mother died of cancer, but she didn’t know I would snort her pain meds or that my father used too. After she died, I felt like I was suffocating. I didn’t know what to do with the grief. Most kids who lose a parent have the support of their surviving one. My father never asked how I was doing. He didn’t even care. I watched him get high. A pill here, a line there and he was gone. He didn’t cry himself to sleep like I did. He just checked out. I thought that was the way to go. That escaping pain instead of facing it was the way one grieved. When someone thinks like that and then goes on to live a life full of loss it’s easy to become an addict. It’s strange because as many times as I’ve been to rehab, I’ve never been able to draw that conclusion. Now, part of my therapy includes finding different coping mechanisms that work for me and I’m confident that when I’m finally able to go back home to my wife and daughter, I’ll be able to deal with whatever life throws at us.

Sharing that with Lacey felt freeing and I think it helped her understand things better too. After airing all of that, we needed a break from the heavy stuff and took a walk outside. I showed her the gardens and where I sometimes meditate. By the time we made our way back to the main building, I knew our time together was coming to an end. She looked tired and complained about her feet hurting. When we got back inside the visitor’s room, I expected her to call Nico and tell him she was ready to go. Instead, she took a seat on the couch and patted the space beside her. Never one her to deny one of her requests, I sat next to her and draped my arm across her shoulders, bringing her close to me. She took out her phone, flipped the camera and took a bunch of pictures of us together, making sure to get one with my hand on her belly.

Now an hour later, we’re standing in front of one another trying to figure out how to say goodbye.

“I’ll call you, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Every night,” I assure her, wrapping my arms around her. “And you’ll come with Jack and Reina for my amends next month?”

“Yes,” she whispers, burying her face against my neck. “I hate this, Blackie. I don’t want to go.”

“I know, baby, but it’s almost over.”

My words are meant to be comforting but I regret them as soon as they leave my mouth because they also remind us both that our daughter will be born soon, and I’ll be missing the most important day of our lives. Neither of us acknowledges that fact, though, as she presses her lips to my throat. I close my eyes at the feel of her lips and a groan sounds from me. I’ve wanted to feel those lips—specifically on mine—since she walked through the door.

Tearing her lips away from the hollow base of my neck, she leans back and lifts her gaze to mine. Her eyes brimmed with desire and without saying a word she gave me permission to take what I still wasn’t sure I deserved. Lifting my hands to her cheeks, I let my thumbs caress the soft skin. Her eyes fell to my mouth, and I lost any restraint left in me. I dipped my head and with a gentleness, I didn’t know I possessed I touched my lips to hers.

I close my eyes at the sensation.

“It’s even better than I remember,” I murmur against her lips.

She replies with a moan and that familiar spark that’s always lied between us, ignites and we go up in flames. From bone to flesh desire burns through us. Raising her hands, she pushes her fingers through my hair as her tongue slips out of her mouth and traces the seam of my lips. I open for her, but I don’t relinquish control. My hands slide away from her cheeks as my tongue flicks hers. Reaching around her, I grab her ass and press her as close as possible. I plunge into her mouth over and over, familiarizing myself with the taste of her. I give and take. Licking and nipping, until both our lips are swollen and we’re panting like two horny teenagers.

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