Page 45 of Blackout: Book Two

“I think it’s worth a shot,” she answers truthfully.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” I mutter, crossing my arms defiantly against my chest. After all, I never said I like playing by Sunny’s rules, just that I respect her opinion. I’m still a stubborn fuck.

“Before or after you call your wife?”

And, Sunny, she’s still a persistent little tree hugger.

The timer sounds signaling that our session is over, and the circle breaks up. Before Sunny can get me alone and torture me some more, I get the hell out of dodge. I’ve got an hour before we meet for dinner and two before I hold myself up in my room for the night. For a moment I think about hitting the gym but as I pass the call room, I pause. Poking my head inside, I spot the phone on the end table. The fact it’s free is like a fucking sign and I blow out a breath as I make my way inside the room. Closing the door behind me, I flick the switch on the wall that lights up the sign outside the room, signaling the phone is in use and make my way towards the chair.

Taking a seat, I reach for the phone. My fingers loom over the keys for a beat before I punch in Lacey’s cell number. My heart hammers against my ribs on the first ring and by the third, my fucking palms are sweating. Luckily, she answers on the fourth, sparring me another heart attack.

“Hello?”

It’s almost as if I’m hearing her voice for the first time. The world stops and I savor the moment, committing the sound to my memory.

“Hello? Oh, you know what, I’ve had enough of this shit. I don’t want to extend the warranty on my car, and I don’t have any student loans I need help with. I’m pregnant but I don’t need a medical grade back brace yet and if this is Jason from Solar U.S.A. I already told you my roof caved in from your fucking solar panels. Now, stop fucking calling me!”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips and suddenly the line goes silent. Fearing she hung up, I sober up quickly and call her name.

“Lace.”

“Is it really you?” she whispers.

Smiling, I nod like she’s right in front of me and can see me.

“Yeah, baby, it’s me,” I rasp huskily. “Is this okay?”

“It’s good to hear your voice,” she replies softly. “And yes, it’s okay.”

Relieved, I sigh and settle back against the chair. My mind goes blank and all the things I’ve been wishing to say to her flee me. I just listen to her breathe and as weird as it sounds, it soothes me. It fucking calms the chaos inside of me. She may not be what I need to heal, but she’ll always be the medicine I choose. I don’t need poison. I don’t even want it. I just want her.

“Blackie,” she murmurs. “Are you there?”

“Yes,” I croak. “I’m trying to process this moment,” I admit, blowing out a breath. “It’s a big one, baby.”

“It’s just me,” she says softly.

“That’s just it, Lace,” I reply hoarsely. “It’s you.” Realizing I’m fucking this up, I shake my head. “I’m making this weird, aren’t I?”

She laughs softly and I swear the sound is even better than I remember. Maybe I don’t miss seeing her lying beside me the most. Maybe it’s her laugh I miss the most.

“A little bit,” she admits.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her as I try to pull my shit together. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. The morning sickness stopped a while ago and I’m not so sure that’s a good thing considering I gained ten pounds last month. My doctor told me I need to slow down, but it’s like I’m always hungry.”

I smile at that.

“Your dad told me about the pizza cravings, and I’ve been trying to picture you eating a pie by yourself.”

“That pie didn’t stand a chance.”

Laughing, I comb my fingers through my hair and close my eyes as her voice continues to fill my ears.

“They told me you shaved,” she says. “I’ve been trying to picture that.”

“You don’t have to picture, Lace,” I say, opening my eyes. “You can come here and see it for yourself,” I add. There is no bitterness in my tone. It’s a simple suggestion…or maybe it’s a plea. I know I don’t got a right to ask anything of her and I don’t want to fuck things up but if I don’t say it, I’ll regret it and I’ve got enough of those to last me two lifetimes. “I don’t mean to push you. I just miss you.”

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