Page 137 of Parrish

Chapter Forty-two

Reina Parrish

I felt like I had been awake for days. I suppose I was considering I hadn’t slept since I was discharged from the hospital and the night before that was a restless one too. Between the constant moving and all the revelations, my body and mind were both taxed and there was no reprieve in sight.

Which meant I needed more coffee. Like a whole fucking vat of it. With Danny comfortably playing board games with Layla’s daughter, I took a moment for myself and made my way into the back of Kates, to where the kitchen was located. There was a commercial sized urn full of coffee and a variety of breakfast foods set across the counter.

Forgoing the food, I helped myself to a cup of coffee. That first sip paired with the quiet inside the kitchen was heaven and I found myself closing my eyes wishing I could hang onto it for just a little while longer.

I must’ve jinxed myself because my peace was quickly interrupted as the door swung open and Maria Bianci hustled inside carrying a box of groceries. That’s right, you heard me correctly; she was carrying a box of groceries. Specifically, a box of onions and ripe tomatoes.

Since Jack dropped me off, and the men took to their bikes, Maria has been in the kitchen most of the time cooking. It started with dinner last night, then it was dessert and judging by the buffet on the counter and the box in her hands, she’s not quitting anytime soon.

Last night, after Danny had fallen asleep in one of the sleeping bags Cobra had brought for all the kids, I found myself raking my already exhausted mind trying to compare the present with the past that was still muddled in my brain.

I used to be Maria to a tee. I didn’t know how to be the First Lady of a motorcycle club any more than I knew how to be the woman who turned her head when mayhem imploded. I knew I loved Jack, and that’s all I knew. The rest, well, it would come with time but in those early years, I used cooking as my crutch.

Back then, most of the brothers were single so a simple pot of sauce and two pounds of pasta easily sufficed. As time marched on, they began to give their hearts away and our family grew. I went from being the only woman to having sisters of every age. All of us now outnumbered by our children.

After the bomb, there was no clubhouse. No place to gather in times of despair. No place to retreat after a fight. No place for the boys to hang their leathers and park their Harley’s. Jack held church at Pipe’s garage but when the family needed to get together, we opened the doors to our home as the matriarch and patriarch of this family and they all gathered at our table.

We may not be blood, but we were very much a family.

The kind that chooses to be in your life out of love and respect, not obligation.

The kind that takes care of your children without you having to ask.

The kind that sits with you even when you’ve blocked them from your memory.

The kind that brings you photographs and prays you will remember them.

The kind that ride to hell and back for you.

Staring at Maria now, watching her unload her tomatoes and onions, a wave of nostalgia fills me. Since Jack first decided to give up the gavel, it’s always been about him. I worried how he would go on without the club. I never thought about myself.

I never allowed myself to think about how I’d feel taking a step back. I think I was too consumed by losing my husband to realize I was also losing my place at the head of this family.

All these people, they’re not just Jack’s. They’re mine too and the truth is, I’m going to miss being the woman who serves this family. I’m going to miss opening my door in the middle of the night and putting on a pot of coffee for the boys. Just as much as I’ll miss feeding a houseful of people. And if I’m being completely honest, I’ll even miss the times we played Twister in my living room with the kids while our men were off risking their lives, staring down the barrel of the enemy’s gun. Those nights we wore masks so our children could wear smiles, I’ll miss them too.

“Reina?”

Snapping out of it, I turn to Maria.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, why don’t you go upstairs and lay down. You look exhausted. I’ll keep an eye on Danny. If the rooms are full, there is always Needles apartment you can crash in.”

“I’m fine,” I tell her, lifting the cup of coffee as proof. “Thank you though and thanks for pitching in with Danny while I was in the hospital. I didn’t get a chance to tell everyone how much I appreciated their help.”

Placing the empty box on the floor, she braces her hands on the edge of the counter and meets my gaze. A warm smile works her lips as the lines around her eyes pinch together.

“No one did anything you haven’t done through the years,” she says. “Even before Wolf and I got together, you and Jack took care of my family. I’m just happy to have a small part in showing the two of you how much everyone here appreciates you both.”

Maybe it’s the exhaustion.

Maybe it’s all the emotional distress finally coming to a head.

Whatever it is, her words bring tears to my eyes.

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