Page 540 of The Tempted

Man to man.

Brother to brother.

He stared me down, choosing his words wisely as I grew increasingly pissed. I wasn’t sure if I was pissed at him for questioning my loyalty or myself for giving him a fucking reason to.

“I didn’t know I was doing such a shit job watching out for Lacey, that you decided to throw Wolf and Pipe on her ass,” I accused.

“Did I say that?” he shook his head. “Did a fine job looking out for my daughter,” he paused, kicking off the wall before taking two strides towards my bed. “Been putting her first for a while, without question, without concern, and I appreciate it Black,” he continued. “You put me and my family, this club…everyone and anything before yourself.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, it’s ‘bout time you put yourself first,” he countered. “Before this shit with Jimmy went south, you told me Reina and Lacey need me breathing, you remember that?”

I cleared my throat, turning my cheek.

I remembered.

I remembered thinking of how torn up Lacey would be if anything happened to her old man. How much I didn’t want to be the man who had to deliver that news to her. I remembered picturing her pretty face and silently vowing to keep her old man safe, keep him coming back to her, because shit, I never wanted to see her fucking cry. Not if there was something I could do about it.

When did that shit change?

When did I go from being the man who prevented the tears to the one who caused them?

“You remember that?” he asked louder this time

“Yeah, Bulldog, I remember,” I turned my eyes back to his. “That shit was no lie,” I hissed. When Jack went away, I was running the club and protecting his interests. I could’ve put one of the guys on Lacey, make another man be the one to look out for her, but I was greedy for the sweet and innocent girl that reminded me of the good things life sometimes threw at men like us, men who were so undeserving of innocence.

“Neither were the words I said to you,” he stressed, rolling his neck from side to side. “I need you breathing,” he seethed. “I made a promise to you when I gave you that patch and made you my left at the table, told you we would clean up the mess Cain put the club in, we’d kick the drugs,” he paused. “And after you laid Christine to rest, you made a promise to her, heard you crying with my own ears when you told her you would clean up, go get help and all that.”

“I did,” I shouted, gripping the sides of the bed angrily as I stared back at him. “I kept my word until Jimmy Gold landed on our doorstep…so did you.”

Drinking didn’t count. I didn’t pick up that habit until I kicked all the others. I didn’t promise anyone I wouldn’t become a drunk. Fair game.

“So what? That’s it? I should send Pipe to the corner with a fifty bag and you should shoot until your veins collapse? To hell with everything you, me, this fucking club worked for? We’ll just let it all go to shit for some cock-sucking mobster? Turn his charred ass over to Vic and let him handle our business?”

“That was your fucking plan, not mine. You and Bianci came and told me we would feed Jimmy the drugs, set him up and get his ass sent to prison. We sat down with Vic and he gave his word, once we delivered Jimmy he’d end that miserable fuck’s life and then make it his mission to get the G-Man. I didn’t believe it but the man fucking swore on the bible, thought that shit counted for something,” I sneered.

‘That’s still the plan,” Jack said, calmly.

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to decide if he was fucking with me or not. One minute he’s talking about cleaning up the streets and ridding the world of scumbags like the G-Man and Jimmy ourselves and the next he’s talking about handing them over to the mob on a silver platter.

“So what the fuck you busting my balls about then?” I grunted.

“You think Jimmy didn’t have a crew in place, the motherfucker was working with the G-Man. You don’t think that man will send someone to retaliate against the men who took his dealer off the streets?”

I watched as Jack cracked his knuckles.

“I’m not fucking worried about Sun Wu, Black, it’s every goddamn pusher the G-Man has working from inside the prison he’s rotting in, to outside these four walls. We don’t have Vic anymore to aide in the clean-up this shit is all on us. His job is to eliminate the scumbags inside with him,” he pinned me with a stare. “It’s only a matter of time before these fucking streets becomes a war zone. I will say it once, and only once, you need to get your fucking act together and be the fucking man I know you are. If that means you taking time to go get clean, then that’s what you do because when mayhem comes I need you,” he rasped, raking his fingers through his hair.

“Appreciate the concern,” I ground out. “I’ll handle my shit. You don’t have to worry about me becoming a liability to the club,” I added.

“Oh fuck that,” he growled. “You think that’s why I’m here asking you to get well? Fuck liabilities. Everyone in this club thought I’d be a liability because of my mind, because I got some shit disorder that fucks with me, but you never gave me lip for it. Your confidence in my ability to run our club never shifted. I’m not here telling you to clean up because I’m worried you won’t fucking do your job. I know you Black, been your brother for years, you function better on any goddamn poison than you do when your levelheaded. I’m telling you get your ass off the drugs because I don’t want to put your ass in the dirt. Now, I just buried a brother, a real fucking brother, who never had my back the way you’ve had my back and that stung but digging a hole for you will fucking make me bleed.”

I looked away as his words echoed in my ears.

His plea should’ve made me proud of my duty served as his vice president but his words fell flat for me. I didn’t need his approval as the president of our club, I knew I had that, that I had earned his respect in that aspect. But hearing him beg me to turn my life around so I can do my job made me feel some kind of way, made me feel something I wasn’t used to feeling.

Remorse and not for anyone other than myself.

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