Page 439 of The Tempted

I was six months pregnant, more than a month had passed since I had seen Riggs. The first few weeks were rough, I went from having so much hope to having nothing at all. I felt like I was crawling out of a hole, desperate to get above ground. I’m still not there yet, and I may never be, but I’m moving forward.

I have no choice.

After I left the clubhouse Anthony took me to the apartment so I could pack my things before bringing me to his home. I feel bad for the hell I’ve put my brother and Adrianna through. It should’ve been a happy time for them, they should’ve been enjoying Adrianna’s pregnancy but instead they listened to me cry myself to sleep and put off painting their daughter’s nursery in fear it would upset me.

They tiptoed around me, but I’d catch things here and there, like when they were laying on the couch together and Anthony dropped his head into Adrianna’s lap so he could talk to the baby. Or the several times he placed his hands on her stomach when their little girl kicked.

Pea kicked a lot.

But there was no one to lay a hand on my belly other than me.

I was happy for my brother, really I was, but I didn’t like feeling envious so when my mother suggested I move in with her, I jumped at the chance. Of course, Anthony didn’t like the idea, he was my shadow these days and me living with our mom, made his job harder.

I got a job, working from home, billing and coding for a doctor. It wasn’t a great job but it would get me through until I had the baby. Then I really needed to figure out what I would do to support us.

I think of Riggs all the time. I hate myself for it but I can’t help it. I wonder if he regrets what he did or if he’s happy to be rid of the burden.

I’m dreading going to the doctor tomorrow, and not because I can’t wait to see how the baby is doing, but because Riggs won’t be there to hold my hand and whisper jokes in my ear. He won’t be there trying to put his own legs in the stirrups like he did the first time he came to a doctor’s appointment with me. He won’t be there trying to convince the doctor he has super sperm and that our baby will be a genius. He won’t be there to rob hospital gowns intending to play doctor when we get home.

He’s gone.

It’s like he’s dead.

And if I’m being honest, there are days when I tell myself he is.

Rest in Peace, Riggs.

You’ll forever be in my heart.

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