Page 611 of The Tempted

Lacey stared back at me, her lip trembling as she breathed through her mouth.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “You’re going to be okay but to get better you have to accept it. You need to say it out loud and not be scared or ashamed.”

She nodded as she took my hand and turned around to face Connie.

“I need help,” she admitted, hesitantly. “Because there are times, more often than not when I can’t control my thoughts, when everything I think I know is ripped from me and I can’t make sense of it all anymore. I have tried to; I swear I’ve tried…but I’m so tired of fighting with myself. I just want to be normal but I’m scared,” her voice trailed off as she cried along with her mother.

She diverted her eyes to mine.

“I’m scared the medicine won’t work and that I’m stuck like this. I’ve known for a long time there was something wrong with my head but I never said it out loud. If I go get help and it doesn’t work there is no hope so, I fight and I hold off because I’m not ready to live the rest of my life knowing I’ll never be happy…truly happy. I’m silent because in silence there is hope.”

“Look at me,” I said, grabbing her shoulders. “I’m your hope, okay? When you doubt yourself and your ability, you look at your old man and know there’s a hope. A bastard like me doesn’t deserve peace, but I got it, and I’m hanging onto it. You, Lacey, you’re sweet and you are loving, you’re a good girl with a great big future and if I got it, then you better believe you’ll have it too because I can’t believe that God would give me good and not you.”

She brushed away her tears and choked back a sob before a smile slightly formed on her face.

“You’re happy,” she whispered.

“I am,” I admitted. “I found happiness, baby, and you will too,” I whispered. “I promise you. We will get you the best help there is and do whatever we got to do to make sure that bitch of a maker shuts the fuck up,” I said hoarsely as I winked at her.

She let out a giggle and glanced over her shoulder at her mother.

“I might not have said it that way but your father’s right,” she smiled reassuringly.

“That’s because you never agree with me,” I teased, blowing out a breath as I brought Lacey into my arms.

“What happens now?” she asked against my shoulder.

“I’ll call my doctor in the morning and set up an appointment,” I looked at Connie, who nodded in agreement.

“Until then, why don’t you get some rest? Tomorrow’s another day,” Connie added.

“We’ll order dinner, or I can go to that take-out place you like and pick it up,” Rob offered.

Lacey pulled out of my arms, pushed her hair back before looking between all of us.

“What?” I asked, knowing she was debating on whether to tell us something.

“It’s Daniela’s birthday tonight, and I promised her I’d go out,” she said, bringing her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Don’t you think you had a long day?” Connie questioned.

“I think I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and for just one night I want to be a nineteen-year-old girl who isn’t mentally ill. I want to be Lacey. Tomorrow I’ll be the girl who goes on lithium,” she said, turning her eyes back to mine.

Sometimes I think God gave me a daughter just to soften me.

“Have fun,” I muttered, as Connie stared daggers at me and Lacey smiled at me.

“Thanks Dad.”

“But Mack goes with you,” I added. “And if you start to feel a certain kind of way you call me.”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured.

“Yeah, you will,” I agreed.

She leaned in and kissed my cheek, then her mother’s and lastly Rob’s.

“Thank you guys,” she murmured hopefully. “I’m going to go get ready.”

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