Page 363 of The Tempted

And that sucked.

People have fought for women to have this right, to be granted the power of choice.

But all I wanted was for someone to decide for me, for a higher power to intervene and tell me what to do. Someone to tell me I’d be a good mom, that I might struggle for a while but I could do it. I needed someone to tell me that all a baby needed was love because I had a lot of that to give and could give it in spades.

Or I needed to be told I was doing the right thing by letting go because love only got you so far in this world.

I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life knowing I’d ended a pregnancy by choice. I mean there has to be some sort of guilt that comes with that, right? Something that weighs heavily on you, that makes you constantly wonder, what if?

There was life inside of me.

That was something.

Something that maybe I should fight for and not against.

Maybe my Pea was the detour I needed to give me purpose. Maybe I could turn this around, if not for me, for my baby.

I could find a way.

My mother found a way, and she had two children.

I blew out a deep breath, bracing my hands on the steering wheel and glanced down at my flat stomach.

There was a piece of me inside there.

There was a piece of Riggs in there too.

There was life.

Me: #SheCameOutSwinging

I don’t know why I texted her. Scratch that, I one hundred percent know the reason and it wasn’t because I was drunk. I had slept that shit off and when I woke up I felt as fresh as a daisy. A wilted one, but whatever.

I text her because I wanted to fix what I broke.

I wanted her to stop looking at me like I hurt her.

Yes, I texted her a hashtag. Yes, I thought it was a good idea at the time. Yes, I stand by my decision because it might make her smile and she had a killer smile. I don’t think she knows the power of her smile, or that she even has a beautiful one. She does it more often, maybe she’d understand how it affects people.

Like me.

I’m doing what I swore I wouldn’t do.

I never rekindle things after I’ve blown out the flame.

But I’m doing just that because of her smile.

Because it’s missing from her face and I might be to blame.

Me: Come on Kitten, talk to me.

Me: I thought we were friends.

That was a stupid move.

Me: #ImAnAsshole

Nothing.

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