Page 255 of The Tempted

Chapter Twenty-Three

I opened my eyes, blinked against the darkness and tried to focus. I was laying on the floor in Junior’s room, my head in Reina’s lap and hers perched against the toddler bed. I was hurting all over, and I could only imagine how she must’ve felt. Carefully, I moved off her, my limbs like lead as I sat up. I reached out and brushed away the hair from her face and swallowed against the lump lodged in my throat before I moved to sit beside her. I glanced around my boy’s room, trying to filter through the fog and recall my actions from the night before. It was like holding my head under water, trying to breathe.

Bits and pieces came to me, the cemetery, the holes in the wall downstairs, sitting in the chair watching Jack blow out the candles on his first birthday cake. I remembered holding the gun to my temple and then she came—pulling me slowly away from my hell and bringing me back to life. I looked back at her and couldn’t help but wonder why she stayed. Why she didn’t run for the fucking hills when she saw the destruction I was capable of.

I repositioned myself, gently lifting her into my arms and carried her toward my bedroom. I hadn’t brought a woman into my home since Connie. Sure, as hell never brought someone into my bed, but Reina belonged in my bed. She belonged in my home and she belonged in my fucking life. Anyone who could put up with my shit deserved a goddamn medal. She deserved more. She deserved anything I could give her.

She barely stirred as I laid her down on my bed. I felt something tug inside of me, an unfamiliar yearning, and as I brought the covers up her body I realized what it was. I wanted to take care of Reina. Not because she was mourning my brother, not because she was some damsel in distress but because she was strong enough not to need someone to take care of her. She most likely didn’t even realize her strength or her courage—she just pushed through, kept moving forward whenever something tried dragging her down.

She sighed, stretching her body before her eyes fluttered open and groggily met mine.

Realization must’ve set in because her features became more alert as she sat up and studied me closely, concern etched into her face.

“Hey,” she whispered, reaching out and touching my cheek. “You okay?”

I lifted my hand, wrapping it around her wrist and offered her a smile as I nodded.

“Yeah, Sunshine, I’m all right,” I assured her, taking her hand from my face and lacing our fingers together. “You’re tired, why don’t you get some rest?” I asked huskily.

“Jack…”

“Reina, last night…”

“Stop,” she interrupted, placing a finger to my lips to silence me. “Look, if you want to talk about what happened that’s fine but if you feel the need to explain yourself you don’t have to.”

She caught me off guard with her words.

“I don’t?” I asked, never wanting to discuss my illness before but feeling compelled to do just that.

“No, Jack, you don’t. I don’t need an explanation. I mean I’d like more insight as to what goes on with you so I can help but only if you’re ready,” she stated.

“Don’t know why you stayed, but real glad you did,” I admitted honestly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I leaned over, my elbows on my knees and rubbed my face tiredly.

“Leaving you isn’t an option for me,” she whispered. I felt her move behind me, felt the dip in the mattress and then felt her warmth against my back. She placed her hands on my shoulders rubbing her thumbs into the knots she found. “I’ll stay with you until you tell me to go and even then, I’ll fight you because there is no place else I’d rather be.”

She leaned over my shoulder, pressing soft kisses against my neck and I felt my guilt rise to the surface.

“You…” She whispered against my skin. “You’re my guy, Jack,” I dropped my hands from my face and straightened my back, glancing over my shoulder at the beautiful soul who wasn’t vowing to change me or try to fix me. In that moment I saw the woman who accepted me—broken and all. I’d be a fool to let someone as good as her, someone as fucking pure as her, slip through my fingers. I was no fool.

Or maybe I was the biggest fool of all because I would lose her once she realized I was Danny’s brother.

But I had her now.

“It doesn’t happen often, the medicine usually helps control my moods and levels me out,” I explained willingly, as her hands stilled at my shoulders. I turned slightly, taking hold of her hips and dragged her onto my lap. Her legs wrapped around my waist as I brushed her hair from her face and continued. “I didn’t take my medication yesterday,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “Is that why I had an episode? Probably not, it would’ve happened with or without the meds, but still, I chose not to take them because I wanted to remember. I wanted to be back in that state of oblivion, the same way I was the day Jack ran into the street and was killed,” I admitted, giving her my truth. I was too much of a coward to give her the truth that would free her of me.

I noticed the dark shadows beneath her tired eyes and my mind flashed back to last night when I stared into those same eyes as she sang.

“You…” I whispered, cocking my head to the side as I ran my thumb along her lower lip.

“What about me?” she whispered breathlessly.

“You sang to me.”

“I didn’t know what do,” she confessed, glancing away as if what she did to ease me was ridiculous. If she only knew her lullaby soothed my soul and chased away my demons. If she only knew that it was exactly what I needed, a sweet melody to ease my conscience.

I wanted to tell her she fixed me without even trying. I wanted to tell her the dream I had, the words the ghost of my son whispered to me—but I didn’t deserve the peace she brought to me.

I tipped her chin with my finger and forced her to look at me.

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