Page 58 of Scotch & Shortbread

Alex rubbed a tired hand over his jaw, leaned back in the chair, and said nothing.

“I’m not her, Alex,” Quinn said quietly, afraid that his walls were already too high to break through.

“Do ye no’ think I ken that? Ye’re nothing like her, thank Christ. Kate has nothing to do with this.”

“No?” she questioned. “Perhaps your mystery woman in the photograph then.” She shot him an accusing look, daring him to finally lay his cards on the table.

Alex sighed heavily. “Trust me. She has nothing to do with this either.”

“Oh, I’m to trust you now?” she snapped, frustrated by the whole situation. “You are all warm and fuzzy one minute and then cold hard ass cop the next. What am I supposed to think? I’m starting to feel like a hostage here.”

His piercing eyes snapped to hers, and for a moment, she regretted her words. “I would never keep ye here against yer will.” His voice was cold steel. “I cannae help the situation we find ourselves in.”

“I’m well aware.” She stiffened refusing to look at him. The silence drew out between them, and Quinn stared out at the thick snow outside. Only a few short hours ago, it brought feelings of Christmas coziness, and now, it just looked bleak to her.

She tried to understand what in the heck happened, but deep down, she knew. She knew it was Kate Cameron. Kate Cameron haunted Alex. Thinking about all the things that made him so amazing didn’t matter, because, in the end, he was still shackled by his past. Walls that were erected at the drop of a dime. Any time Quinn felt like Alex was opening his heart to her, feeling something for her, it was as if his heart would suddenly snap closed like an oyster trying to protect itself. And he would lock her out.

She was locked out now, and it smarted. Her own heart felt battered and numb while her body cruelly felt the lingering vestiges of their lovemaking.

Alex’s mind battered him. He’d lived by the oath of being immune to women for so long that he didn’t know what to do or think about his current predicament. Perhaps Quinn was right about Kate. He thought that woman was long behind him. Talking to Quinn the night before made him realize even more, that everything with Kate and what had happened all those years ago was truly over. Long over. He’d moved on with his life. Hadn’t he?

Being immune to women, not letting them in, not letting them close had become second nature to him. He didn’t think twice about it, but now, a lass had done the impossible. She’d slipped past his walls. Quinn West had bloody well obliterated his walls like a kid with a stick, smacking into a fucking reindeer piñata. Alex’s proverbial candy was strewn everywhere, and he had no idea how to get it back in the box. She'd had cracked him wide open, and it scared the shite out of him.

It was his conversation with Quinn last night that had shown Alex how far in the past Kate and all the hell she’d put him through was. The old reactions and feelings he’d had when he allowed himself to stew had all but fizzled out. Kate Cameron was a non-issue in his life. She was long gone like the misery she’d caused.

Alex had awoken in the morning with that newfound knowledge, and he genuinely felt as if the grip she’d had on him had been released. He felt lighter than he had in years. Those feelings were short-lived because now he felt almost dizzy with anxiety. Fear. And he didn’t do fear. He wanted to roar. His carefully constructed life felt tipped off its axis, and he didn’t have a clue how to fix it. It terrified him more than anything ever had.

“Talk to me, Alex. Help me understand.” Quinn’s voice cut through his fractured thoughts.

She appeared so fragile sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her face barely poked out from the oversized hood of his sweatshirt. Part of him wanted to scoop her up into his arms and kiss away the sadness that was etched on her beautiful face.

Instead, he said nothing. He didn’t know what to say, what to think. He was spiralling, freaking out, and the only thing he could think to help it was to have her gone. As if reading his mind, a shadow seemed to cross over her features before they set in a hard line.

“I wish I’d never met you.” Her words could have shattered him, but he already felt shattered. Lost. Fucked right up.

As she stood, they both heard a sound in the distance, and it quickly grew louder. Quinn’s big eyes looked at him questioningly, but before he could say anything, a loud thumping on the front door made her jump.

“The ranger,” Alex said, feeling numbness seep through him. If it was the ranger, the road back to town was likely open. Thank God. Quinn West could leave. Leave his cabin. Leave his life. And maybe, he could put his world back to rights and breathe again.

Quinn didn’t say a word, but he could see in her eyes what he felt. The final nail in the coffin had just been hammered in.

35

Broken Hearted Silver Linings

Quinnsataloneonthe bed in her room at the inn. For someone who’d always coveted time with herself, the loneliness that had taken up residence in her soul was a bitter pill to swallow. Snow fell outside, and she watched it absently. It had been just over twenty-four hours since the ranger had shown up at Alex’s and brought her back to the inn.

As soon as she had service again, her phone dinged with messages, but that first night, she didn’t have the heart to look at them. Eventually, she’d messaged back to Belle and Megan, wishing them a Merry Christmas, explaining that with the snow storm she hadn’t had service for a few days. Fortunately, neither one of them questioned it. Quinn wasn’t ready to talk about any of what happened with Alex and she didn’t know if she ever would be.

Christmas night felt like a blurry nightmare. It all happened so fast. She didn’t know what she expected really, but the abrupt ending to it all felt wrong. The ranger had come to check in on them and let them know the road had opened up. And just like that, whatever fairy tale she thought she’d been living in hit a definitive brick wall and shattered. The sudden need to get the heck out of there propelled her to ask the ranger if he could take her back to the inn. He was hesitant, but Quinn couldn’t stay in Alex’s cabin for another minute. She practically ran to get in the ranger’s truck when he’d reluctantly agreed to drive her. Alex didn’t say a word of protest, and the sting of his silence felt barbed.

Christmas day at the inn was jovial and lively, loud and boisterous—a jarring contrast with the peaceful time alone with Alex in his cabin. The restaurant was full of people celebrating and feasting. Quinn felt like she was in some kind of a vortex on the outside looking in. She went to her room and sobbed until she finally fell asleep. When she awoke, the reality of being alone in the bed hit first, and then the memory that whatever had happened between her and Alex was over. The fairy tale had come to an end. A dull ache sat heavy in her chest.

She couldn’t help but torture herself with memories of every touch, every look. The fun they’d had. The deep conversations and the light ones. It had felt like a dream, and now, it was done. Over. As if it never happened in the first place.

She tried to tell herself she was being dramatic, but her heart knew what her heart knew. The reality was that she’d fallen hard for Alex. There were boyfriends in the past, men she’d fancied herself in love with, but the connection she’d felt with Alex went far beyond what she’d ever known. She’d always believed having a boyfriend came with the automatic pass to being in love. Like a gift that came with a gift tag, a boyfriend came with love. With that belief entrenched, she assumed that she was in love with her past relationships. Lo and behold, it turned out she had no idea what falling in love was. Now, on reflection, it turned out she’d never once in her life been in love. Until now.

God, if this truly was love, it was awful. How in heaven’s name could she feel so connected to someone, so crazy about someone, and that person not reciprocate? There were moments when Quinn thought Alex felt it—that amazing unexplainable thing between them. That magic thing. When he was making love to her, she felt as if their very souls had become one. She laughed bitterly at her naivety. What a fool she was. He’d not felt the same things she did because if he did, she would not be here alone with her heart thrown out like used Christmas wrapping.

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