Page 84 of Falling Together

“Days like yesterday are all I want for the rest of my life.”

Erin’s heart exploded in her chest, because that’s all she wanted as well. Then, reality came crashing down on her. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Blair. She didn’t just want today and tomorrow, but every single other day that followed. “Please don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”

The smile immediately dropped from Blair’s face, and she groaned and put a hand over her face. “I obviously mean it, Erin. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

“I know youthinkyou mean it, but when you say those things, it gives me hope, and hope normally leads to someone getting hurt.”

“When are you going to realize that I’m not like the people who hurt you?”

Erin hated to hear Blair so upset and angry, especially when she knew it was her fault. “I… I know you’re not.”

“Then stop treating me like I am.” Blair’s voice shook, and Erin could tell it was because she was trying her best to stay strong. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Yes. More than anything in the world.Erin opened her mouth, but those words wouldn’t come out.

Blair groaned once again. “See? This is what I mean. I’m trying to be patient, but it’s really hard. What else do I have to do to prove myself?”

“Nothing. You’re…” God, why couldn’t Erin form words right now? “You’re perfect. It’s not you.”

When the tears came to Erin’s eyes, she knew there was no use trying to fight them. She could feel Blair slipping away, and it was all her fault.

“Hey,” Blair said, her voice now much softer. She ran her thumbs underneath Erin’s eyes to dry the tears, even though it was no use, because they wouldn’t stop. “I’m still here. I’m just frustrated, because I like you so much, but I don’t know if that’s enough for you. I told you I’d wait for you, and I still mean that, but I need to know that I’m not waiting for something that’s never going to happen; for someone who’s never going to be able to trust me.”

Erin knew she had to say something to prove to Blair how much she meant to her and that shedidtrust her, but Blair placed a kiss on her lips before she could.

When she pulled away, she replaced her lips with her finger. “Don’t say anything right now. I want to give you some time to think this through. I’m going to go home, but that doesn’t mean I’m not coming back. I think we both just need a little bit of time to get our heads on straight before we have this talk. Maybe I can sleep over after Nolan and my giraffe experience?”

Erin wanted to stop crying but she couldn’t help herself. Even though Blair hadn’t given up on her completely, Erin worried she would if she wasn’t able to get her head on straight over these next two days. Blair was right, though. Maybe they needed this time, even if it sucked feeling like they were saying goodbye while leaving things unresolved. “You’re right. A sleepover on Tuesday sounds great.” She tried her best to smile, but she was sure it wasn’t good enough to fool Blair.

Blair smiled back at her and wiped her cheeks once again. “Good. Now stop crying, please. There’s no way I’ll be able to leave here if you’re crying.”

Her words only made Erin cry harder, because it was a reminder of how amazing Blair was. At first, Erin had worried she was too immature, but at some point over the last few months, Blair had become the mature one between the two of them.

Erin put her hands on top of Blair’s and squeezed them. “I’m okay. I promise. I’ll be okay.We’llbe okay.”

Blair watched Erin with all of the wonder and awe of a mother looking at her newborn. “I know we will.”

Blair gave her one more kiss before standing from bed and getting all of her things together. She turned around one more time when she was at the doorway and gave Erin a sad smile and a small wave before leaving.

Erin wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day and cry and wallow in self pity, but there were two big reasons she couldn’t. The first was that she had Nolan, and as much as she always made sure to let him know it was okay to be sad, she didn’t want him to realize she was sad and get worried. The other reason was that wallowing was not going to do anything to solve her problems. She needed to figure this out to make sure she didn’t end up losing the girl of her dreams.

Since Nolan wasn’t awake yet, she grabbed her phone and called her sister. For some reason, just the sound of her sister’s voice made her feel like she might start to cry again. “Hey, April! What are you up to today?”

April laughed. “Believe it or not, we actually have some free time for once. I think this weekend might be the only free time we have the rest of this year, but hey, we’ll take it.”

“Awesome. Are you okay with having some company?”

“If you’re talking about you and Nolan, then obviously.”

“Perfect. We’ll be there in a little while.” Erin hung up the phone before her sister could ask her any more questions, because she didn’t want to get into it just yet.

She woke up Nolan, who was disappointed when he found out Blair wasn’t there, but recovered quickly when she told him they were going to see their family. Because of his excitement, it was easier than usual to get him out of the house, and they left within an hour. As Nolan watched videos on his tablet, Erin thought about not only how she could prove to Blair that she was ready for this relationship, but also how she could prove it to herself. Because she was ready. The fear and hesitation were there, but there was also excitement. She wanted this, but she needed to fully let go of her past so she could enjoy her future. Hopefully her sister had some wise advice, because Erin clearly needed help.

Because she was so caught up in her own thoughts, the drive seemed to go faster than usual. Before she knew it, she was pulling into her sister’s driveway. She hadn’t even shut off the car when the front door opened and her sister and niece walked out.

“Aunt Ape-il! Cousin Syd!” Nolan shouted gleefully from his car seat.

When they reached the car, Sydney walked around to the back where Nolan was sitting, and April walked over to Erin’s door and opened it. She stuck her head in and waved to Nolan. “Hey, buddy! Guess what? Your Uncle Wesley and Tanner are waiting inside to hang out with you and Sydney. Is it okay if I steal your mommy for a few minutes?”

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