Page 2 of A Very Miller-Cooper Life

“Perfect.” Reagan hopped from the couch as if it was on fire, while I stood much more slowly to be careful not to wake Carter.

We made it to the bedroom that was currently shared by the triplets without any issues, and I smiled when I put Carter down and she didn’t make one peep. Reagan and I both tiptoed out of the room and she carefully shut the door behind us.

Not even a second after the door was latched, a wail erupted from the room.

Reagan cringed. “You don’t even have to tell me this time. Iknowthat’s Olivia.”

A slightly deeper cry started as well, followed by a soft whimper. “And that would be Ronan and Carter,” I added.Shit.“Raincheck?”

Reagan groaned and hit her head against the door, then turned to smile over at me. “Who knows. Maybe we can find someone to pawn them off on for a few hours at the wedding.”

“We can only hope.”

***

“So, how are you feeling about all of this?” Reagan asked as she reached across the center console of the car to take my hand.

She didn’t have to say more, because I knew exactly what she was asking. Even though she wasn’t shouting about it from the rooftops (or even mentioning it to her friends), my mom was going to Jamie’s wedding. I was glad for my brother’s sake that she had somewhat learned from her past mistakes and wasn’t going to skip his wedding like she skipped mine, but it was still hard. Our wedding day had been perfect, and I honestly don’t know if it would have been with my mom there, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.

I looked into the back to make sure all three kids were actually asleep since there was no point in having a serious conversation if it was destined to be interrupted at any moment. I smiled when I saw all three of them fast asleep as if they were perfect little angels.I wish.

I let out a long sigh when I remembered Reagan’s question. It was such a loaded question, I didn’t even know where to start. “Honestly, I’m just trying to focus on the fact that my brother gets to marry the love of his life, because in the end, that’s what really matters.”

Reagan looked between me and the road a few times before gently squeezing my hand. “I completely understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I also hope you know that you don’t have to bullshit me. We’re obviously both over the moon for Jamie and Ethan, but that doesn’t mean the day comes without any hard feelings for you.”

“Yes, it hurts that my mom didn’t come to our wedding, and in some ways, even though I know it’s not the case it makes me feel likeIwasn’t good enough. But the thing is—I loved absolutely everything about our wedding. Sure, Jamie’s suit kept coming unbuttoned and our allergy-ridden DJ sneezed through the whole reception because she chose our wedding day to try to impress the florist, but it was still perfect. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m envious of Jamie for having our mom at the weddingor extremely concerned for him. She ruined the beginning of our relationshipandour engagement. I’d hate to see what kind of scene she would have made at our wedding.”

“That’s true.” Reagan chuckled softly. “Although, I wouldn’t say sheruinedthe beginning of our relationshiporour engagement. Those are still two of my favorite memories.”

I laughed along with Reagan. This was why I loved this woman so much. She could find the good in literally everything and everyone. “Even though my whole family found out I had my hands down your pantsandmy mom basically unknowingly proposed for you?”

Reagan laughed even harder now. “Exactly. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s very us, and I love us.”

I brought Reagan’s hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles. “I love us, too. I honestly think I’m more nervous to spend a prolonged amount of time with my mom than I am salty over the fact that she’s going to Jamie’s wedding when she skipped mine.”

“That’s true. We have done a pretty good job of avoiding her these past few years, haven’t we?”

“I guess.”

Although, I wouldn’t exactly call it avoidance. After my mom skipped my wedding then showed up the next day to tell me she made a mistake, I decided the ball was in her court.Sheneeded to be the one to put in the effort,notme. And while she had gotten better, she was still far from perfect, which meant our relationship was rocky at best. She came to visit for the weekend two weeks after the triplets were born, and she did a good job of acknowledging them as her grandchildren and a decent job of acknowledging both me and Reagan as their moms. She didn’t use the wordmomwhen referring to Reagan, but she also didn’t deny the fact that she was, indeed, the mother of my children.Baby steps,I reminded myself. Although, most days it felt likeour actual babies were growing much more quickly than she was.

“Has Jamie said anything else to you about how things are going with my dad?” I asked, desperate to change the subject to anything thatwasn’tme and my mom.

“He hasn’t said much, which I’m guessing means it isn’t going too well.”

“That sucks.” My wedding helped to strengthen my relationship with my dad and it really seemed like he had turned over a new leaf. Apparently, his gay daughter marrying a woman was much easier for my dad to swallow than his gay son marrying a man.

Ever since Jamie and Ethan had announced their official wedding date, my dad had shut down around him. He acted like my brother was no longer the guy that liked to toss around a football with him and watch sports, even though nothing had actually changed. Jamie tried to act cool about it whenever he talked to me, but I could tell it was really hurting him that their relationship had changed so much.

“He’ll be okay, don’t worry.” Reagan squeezed my hand once again. “He gets to marry the guy that he thought he let get away in high school. The dude is on cloud nine. I’ve honestly never seen him happier than when he’s with Ethan. Even when he was being a huge player in college and acting like he loved it, he wasn’t nearly as happy as he is now that he’s settling down.”

“I’m glad Jamie had you.” I stared out the window and thought about all of the time I missed with my brother, because both of us were too stubborn to admit our struggles to each other. It was one of my biggest regrets. Thank god for Reagan helping us to rekindle that relationship. “You know, when I wasn’t there for him.”

“Jamie regrets that time too, you know,” Reagan said, her voice soft and understanding.

“I know he does. I just wish we both hadn’t been so dumb back then.”

“You two went through a lot of shit growing up, most of which you didn’t fully comprehend until the past few years, so it makes sense that you were a bit messed up.”

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