Page 20 of Tony

“I guess the easy answer is that I was interested in law and knew I’d never be able to go to law school, so it was something attainable.”

“Why no law school?” he asked. The question was simple, but he wanted to know more. Wanted her to open up to him. Wanted to understand this woman that had had him tied up in knots for a year.

She sat in silence again for a moment.How much do I tell him? But then, how can I ask him to let me in if I’m not willing to do it myself?Heaving a huge sigh, she began.

“My parents were teenage lovers who had to get married when mom got pregnant with Charisse. She was a preacher’s daughter and they really had no choice. Mom was cool, but dad…he just never got used to having his wings clipped at such a young age. I don’t remember much about him. He wasn’t bad…he just wasn’t there. He drank a lot, hung out with his friends. Hell, from what I heard when I got older he probably slept with any woman he could find, refusing to be tied down.”

She turned her gaze back to him, saying, “But mom loved him. Crazy, isn’t it? To love a man that treats you so badly.” Shaking her head, she admitted, “I just never understood that.”

The fire snapped and she gave a little startle before continuing. “When I was eight and Charisse was ten, dad died. An accident at work we were told, but I always wondered if he hadn’t been drinking when it happened. Mama just couldn’t live without him.” Rubbing her finger around the rim of her wine glass, she seemed lost in thought.

“We needed her, but she wasn’t there for us. She withered away. I now understand that she was depressed, but then it just seemed like mama didn’t care. For the next two years, Charisse and I cooked, cleaned, got ourselves ready for school. One day, I got home from school and Charisse was sitting outside with the police around. She wouldn’t let me go in. Said mama was gone.

“It took years for me to understand that mama committed suicide. She took a bunch of pills and just went to sleep. No note. No goodbye. No ‘I’m sorry girls’. Nothing.”

Shit,he thought, looking at her composed face.She holds her shit together all the time. Always composed. Always in charge. How the hell does she do it?

“Charisse and I ended up in the system. We had one really good social worker who worked to keep us together and for a while it wasn’t hard. Two cute little girls…we were easy to place. Then Charisse began to act up. I think she was just so desperate for attention.” Giving a rude snort, she looked up, “Did you know that studies show that girls who lack a strong father figure in their lives often become promiscuous in their teen years?”

Tony silently vowed at that moment that if he was ever graced with another daughter, he would shower her with love.

“Anyway, the Charisse that you knew used to be a sweet little girl who just turned into a teen that found out that boys might not date her because she was a poor foster kid, but they’d pay her to blow them. And then later, she started hanging with a crowd that gave her plenty of attention. She’d stay high and started selling her body for drugs.

“I tried. I tried so hard to keep her clean and out of trouble but…well, by the time Charisse was eighteen our foster family booted her out and even though I wasn’t like her I think they just wanted me gone too.”

Leaning back against the leather chair, with her legs stretched out before her, she felt the warmth from the fire toasting her toes. Sighing as the wine warmed her as well, she looked up at him staring at her. “You asked about law school and I’ve been giving you a rendition of my life story. Pathetic, isn’t it?”

“Not at all. I’m sitting here, listening and admiring you more by the minute. Keep going. I want to know everything.”

Admiring me?She sat silently for a moment, letting her thoughts flow back through time. “Eventually Charisse got into more and more trouble. She got a job at Club Edge and began stripping. Then she caught the eye of a gang leader. I tried so hard to run interference for her. I was out of high school by this time and the state will assist for college costs if you were in foster care. My last family agreed to have me stay with them on the condition that Charisse never came there again.”

“That must have been hard,” he said.

“They had little children, so I got it. I was never going to be able to afford a full university and law school after that, so I decided that if I could get my paralegal degree then I could start making money. I’d been working as a cocktail waitress…well you know the rest of that story. I had to finally make a choice between keeping Charisse out of trouble or having my own life. I guess she saw it as the ultimate betrayal and sold me to the gang leader. And that’s when you rescued me the first time.”

Tony smiled at her, nodding. “Yeah, that was my lucky day.”

Lifting an eyebrow in question, she decided not to pursue that statement as they sat in silence once more, each lost in their own thoughts.

“It’s not your fault, you know?” he spoke softly, watching the light play off of her beautiful features.

“Intellectually, I know that. I gave her an ultimatum a year ago. If she was going to continue to have a relationship with me she had to get clean and I’d help her any way I could. If not…” she let the statement hang out there.

“You did more for her than anyone else did and that includes your parents.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure. But when someone is an addict, it’s so hard to know when to pull them along and when to step back.” She gave a little shrug. “I wish…oh, hell. Wishing won’t help now. But I do miss the Charisse of old. The one who would hold my hand during a thunderstorm. Or would read to me when mama wouldn’t. Or who taught me to ride a bike. That’s the sister I miss.”

“Then that’s the sister you should remember.”

Her eyes sought his at this statement.

His hand cupped her cheek, willing his touch to soothe. “Remember the sister that did all the right things. The sister that fills your memories with smiles. And let go of the part that hurts your heart.”

“What about you, Tony? Do you let go of the part that hurts your heart?” she asked softly.

Silence was the only answer.

8

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