Page 49 of Cookbooks and Demons

“Okay, Monica and Chandler aside, Rafferty and I, we’re just enjoying each other’s company right now. He’s … got a lot going on in his life rightnow and…”

“Do you like him?” Cindy asked, slapping her hand dramatically down on the table, which was thankfully clear of dishes except for their water glasses. “The court demandsanswers!”

“Dammit, Cindy, you’re a doctor, not a lawyer.” Helena laughed. “And I barely know him, okay?”

“You just took him out on a date to a very fancy and very romantic French restaurant.”

“It was on the company dime,” shedefended.

“Just because you did it the smart way doesn’t mean it wasn’t romantic,” Cindy countered. “What did you have to eat?”

“Quail, actually,” Helena said, grinning. “It was very grown up.” Then her face fell. “Which is why it is so disappointing that it had to end like that. I basically ran away after Chris got all up in my face about being there.”

“What they should have done was ask Chris and his hussy to leave,” Cindy sneered.

Helena sat up a little straighter. “You did not justdo that.”

“What?” Cindy asked.

“You just slut shamed a woman we don’t even know because of the behavior and choices of a man we do,” she said, completelyserious.

Cindy’s face froze a second as she took that in, and for a half-beat of her heart, Helena thought she was going to argue about it, but then she dropped her shoulders and noddedwearily.

“You are right. I did just do that, and I am ashamed. The programming runs deep,” Cindy saidformally.

Helena nodded. “For all we know, he could have lied to her about being single or just hasn’t even told her yet, and as far assheknows, they are dating legitimately.”

Cindy winced. “I’m sorry, Hel. I forgot about Shawna.”

Needles pressed into Helena’s throat, but she ignored them. “And we’re not going to talk about Shawna. We’re talking about Chris and what you think I should do with regard to what I saw and what I should or shouldn’t tell Charlie. Because I know I would have liked to know when it had been me, but I…” She stopped and huffed. “But at the same time, I know there were several points I wouldn’t have listened…” She stopped herself and corrected again. “Ididn’tlisten, and Iownthat, but it also cost me severalfriends.”

“Not all of them,” Cindy said, reaching out to squeezeher hand.

Helena squeezed it back. “And I’m grateful for that every day of my life, Cin,” sheassured.

“And now I’m going to ask you…” Cindy warned. “Are these the reasons you aren’t giving yourself a shot with Lares… Rafferty?” she added belatedly.

“No, sincerely.” Helena shook her head. “He can’t stay and so it would be a short flinganyway.”

“And what’s wrong with a short fling?” Cindy challenged.

“I have had plenty of them to know it’s not what I want,” Helena said.

Cindy’s face became grave. “Hellie, I … had a patient die the other day.”

That surprised Helena. “Cin, I’m—”

“He was a young guy like us,” Cindy continued as if she didn’t hear her. “He had just gotten married, like a month ago or something. He was fine last week and then he got bacterial meningitis. Killed him within hours. Even after we did everything we could to save him, we just couldn’t. I was the one who talked to his widow.”

She took a drink of water to clear her thickening voice. Helena squeezed Cindy’s hand to let her know she was still there, stillpresent.

She continued, “I can’t honestly remember much of what we said, or even how this came up, but one of the things this woman said while we talked was … she didn’t regret marrying him, even though their time together was so short. That even if she had known this would happen, it was better than never having spent any of that time with him at all. Because then she would have lost thatas well.”

Cindy cleared her throat. “I think what I’m trying to say is, no matter how long or short your time with anybody is, it’s never forever. You’re going to have to let them go eventually, so that shouldn’t stop you from being with them now.”

They sat in silence with that for a long while until the waiter finally returned with their lunch plates.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Cin,” Helena said as she laid her napkin on her lap, feeling her words were totally inadequate and yet having nothing elseto offer.

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