Page 49 of The Malevolent Eight

‘I’m afraid you won’t be able to summon any Tempestoral magic,’ Shame said, standing back to appraise her handiwork. She’d done an impressive job. Other than our clothes, Corrigan and I looked remarkably like actual Glorians, right down to that ridiculous gleam in our now-golden irises.

‘What do you mean, I won’t be able to wield Tempestoral spells?’ he demanded.

Her fingers twitching in the air between them, Galass said, ‘It’s true. Usually I can feel wonderism as violations of the natural laws of this realm, but right now there’s an impedance in your attunement.’

‘Cade, what the fuck did you let the angelic do to me?’

‘Something else has changed as well,’ Alice said, leaning closer to sniff at Corrigan. ‘You no longer stink.’

‘That wasn’t strictly necessary for the disguise,’ Shame admitted.

Temper hopped closer, unceremoniously shoving both Alice and Shame aside before he, too, sniffed at Corrigan. The kangaroo let out a mournful keening, then pawed at Corrigan’s face.

‘There, now, fella,’ he said, trying to soothe Temper by patting the beast’s head. ‘It’s still me in here. Nothing to worr—Ow!’ He yanked his hand away. It was now sporting a pair of bleeding fang marks. ‘You stupid oversized mutt– I should roast you with a conflagration spell and eat you for supper!’

‘Can’t,’ I reminded him. ‘Until Shame reverses the transmogrification, you’re basically just a regular human with no wonderist abilities other than a pleasing glow that’s barely bright enough to read by in the dark. That, and your newfound lack of body odour.’ Without waiting for any further objections, I turned to Aradeus. ‘Your turn.’

The rat mage proceeded to whirl his hands around in an overly elaborate series of gestures I found hard to believe were entirely necessary for the spell. Nonetheless, when he was done, Corrigan and I were dressed in suitably impressive Glorian armour.

‘Let’s go, big man,’ I said, hauling Corrigan out of the alley and onto the street where we could surreptitiously join the back of the parade marching through the city towards the new Auroral Citadel. ‘Time to steal a most worthy holy artefact.’

Corrigan grabbed my elbow and whispered, ‘You were just kidding about my body odour, right, Brother?’

I was not.

Chapter 26

Step 2: Sneaking

Conceiving, planning and initiating the theft of a priceless religious artefact from a holy fortress protected by supernaturally blessed guards isn’t the sort of undertaking one rushes into. Unless, of course, there’s a parade involved.

‘Worst. Fucking. Plan. Ever,’ Corrigan muttered as the two of us marched alongside our Glorian brethren through the streets of Radira.

‘Stop complaining. You look good as a blond.’

Sneaking into line among the Glorians hadn’t been especially difficult. We’d simply appeared at the very back, among some of the shabbier human recruits, and begun berating them for various invented violations of protocol.

‘Speck of dust on the right pauldron,’ I said to Corrigan as we shoved past one of the proud human soldiers who’d no doubt been imagining himself about to be immediately promoted into one of the Glorian orders and blessed with any number of wondrous abilities.

‘Two demerits?’ Corrigan asked in an officious tone. Given his own rebellious inclinations, he’s remarkably good at putting on military airs.

‘Three,’ I said, pointing to the recruit’s open-mouthed confusion. ‘Failure to maintain proper bearing.’ I stuck my finger under the recruit’s chin and raised it fractionally. ‘Regulation angle of lower jawbone is ninety degrees from the line of the neck, recruit. As the Edicts teach us, “A true warrior of the Aurorals is neither arrogant nor submissive, but rather evokes determination and fortitude with every bone in their body”.’

That’s not an actual Auroral Edict, of course, but with seventeen hundred and seventy-seven of them, who’s to remember?

‘Scabbard clanging at the hip,’ Corrigan said of another recruit as we made our way forward along the parade line. ‘Are you trying to draw attention to yourself, recruit? Do you consider yourself so magnificent as to draw the eyes of our fellow Mortals away from the Sovereign and down to yourself?’

‘Uh. . . no, sir,’ the recruit stammered, grabbing hold of his scabbard with his left hand. ‘Must be a problem with the hanger straps on the belt—’

Corrigan stopped, turning to face the recruit and making those behind him stumble to a halt. ‘Thehanger straps?’ he asked ominously. ‘Poor equipment, is that the problem, soldier? The Lords Celestine failed to provide you with gear worthy of your stature?’

‘N-no, sir! The fault’s all mine!’ The recruit scowled at his own hip as if discovering for the first time that it was somehow deformed.

‘Four demerits,’ Corrigan said, then turned away and the two of us resumed our advance through the ranks.

‘Remember not to use the demerit thing on theactualGlorians,’ I said to him.

‘Why? You don’t think I can come up with a suitably convincing flaw in one of your precious fellow Glorians?’

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