Page 29 of The Malevolent Eight

Excellent, I thought.Because worrying about the feelings of a seven-foot-tall vampiric rabbit-rodent thing is definitely top of the list of problems I wanted to think through before sticking my neck on the chopping block in front of the immortal beings who, until recently, had a warrant out for my immediate execution.

‘You did an excellent job digging those trenches,’ I told Temper, and when that failed to quell the dirty looks, I patted him on the shoulder. ‘Good kangaroo.’

The animal stared down at me, beady black eyes narrowing. I waited for them to turn red, which usually preceded him biting someone’s face off and then drinking the blood from the wounds he’d inflicted, but instead, Temper’s jaw began opening and closing awkwardly, as if he were trying to dislodge something from the back of his throat.

‘He’s been doing this more and more,’ Galass said, setting aside the pole she’d been planting. Her tresses turned scarlet as she awoke her blood magic, approaching carefully so as not to spook Temper. ‘Could this be a sickness caused by prolonged exposure to our realm?’

Corrigan, glaring at me, strode over to join us. ‘What’s the matter, boy? Did Cade’s stupid Fortunal spell screw something up when he found you in th—?’

‘Temper’s still a kangaroo,’ I reminded him. ‘Which means he still doesn’t speak our language. Or any language, really.’

‘The beast appears to be choking on something,’ Alice said, though without evincing much concern for his possible death.

The kangaroo’s odd masticating had me worried, though. Contrary to what I’d told Corrigan and the others, I hadn’t ‘happened’ upon Temper in a cave out in the Blastlands. His emergence onto this plane of reality had been entirely my fault, and we had no way of knowing whether he could survive here indefinitely. ‘Go on, boy, spit it out,’ I told him. I started thumping his back, trying to get him to cough out whatever was clogging his throat. ‘Shame, get over here– do something!’

Angelic Emissaries don’t possess any specific healing magic, but her ability to sculpt the flesh of others might enable her to widen the poor beast’s throat before he asphyxiated.

‘Stop,’ Galass said, standing in Shame’s way. The crimson tresses were dancing more wildly now, signalling her sanguinalist abilities were sensing something in the flow of life that the rest of us couldn’t perceive. ‘Temper isn’t choking. He’s trying to. . . I think he’s attempting to communicate something.’

‘Ihavebeen trying to teach him to speak,’ Corrigan admitted. ‘Maybe the language lessons are finally paying off?’

‘Again,’ I reminded them, ‘he’s not a totemist attuned to some mystical kangaroo realm. He’s a fucking kangaroo.’ I stared into that open maw ringed with razor-sharp fangs and wondered what my chances were of dislodging whatever he was choking on before he accidentally severed my hand.

Temper’s mouth opened even wider and I was about to risk amputation-by-kangaroo-fangs when he moaned something that ended in a grunting cough. ‘Mmm. . . uth.’

‘What in all the hells?’ I asked.

‘Mmm. . . uth,’ the kangaroo repeated.

‘Mouth!’ Aradeus exclaimed. ‘He wants us to remove something from his mouth—’

‘He’s in pain,’ Corrigan bellowed, trying to push past me. ‘We’ve got to do something before he—’

‘Stop!’ Galass commanded. ‘Listen to him. That’s not what he’s trying to say.’

Six naked wonderists standing in a muddy field around a seven-foot-tall vaguely rabbit-shaped blood-drinking monstrosity was not how most people would envision humanity’s last hope of freedom.What the hell have I become?I wondered.I was a Glorian Justiciar, then a mercenary war mage. I gave up all of that and took on an attunement that’s going to get me killed by my own friends when they find out, all so I could be doing this?

‘It’s okay,’ I told Temper, stroking one of his ears and doing my best to convey a supportive and sympathetic tone to a beast who exsanguinates its many, many victims. ‘Don’t try to force the words out. Just relax and think. . . think happy thoughts.’

I watched the last shreds of my dignity disappear into the void.

The beast turned to Corrigan, saw the thunderer’s big, idiotic grin and said, ‘Mmm. . . uth. . . rrr. Mmm. . . uth. . . rrr.’

‘Does the animal consider Corrigan to be its mother?’ Shame asked. Having shed her role as an Angelic Emissary subject to the emotional desires of others only six months ago, she still wasn’t entirely clear on human relationships.

The kangaroo turned to me, then placed his paws on both my shoulders. Powerful jaws working, determination soaking the fur of his forehead in sweat, he locked eyes with me and said, ‘Mmmothherr. . . fff—’

‘Corrigan?’ I asked quietly. ‘These “language lessons” of yours– what words have you actually been teach—?’

Temper removed one paw from my shoulder then jabbed it into my chest as he said, ‘Motherfucker.’

‘You magnificent bastard,’ Corrigan bellowed, hurling me aside with one hand as he wiped a tear from his eye with the other. He stood facing the kangaroo a moment, gazing into the beast’s eyes before throwing his big arms around him and murmuring, ‘I’ve never felt so proud in my entire life.’

After that, the two of them danced around in a circle shouting ‘motherfucker’ at each other until both got so dizzy they fell down in the mud, giggling like idiots.

Shame came to stand next to me. ‘I was bred to understand love as a form of sacrifice to the highest good. When I was conditioned to become an Emissary, that definition was broadened to encompass various forms of human affiliation, whether romantic, platonic, filial or any of a host of others.’

‘And?’

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