Page 65 of Perfect Mess

* * *

After the book signing,when author Lance Boyer and the other customers were long gone, I placed a signed copy of all three of Lance’s photography books down on the checkout counter. I was buying them for Gary. I figured it was the least I could do.

While Janet was totaling the sale, I flipped openUnder the Rainbow. It was a series of photographs of the active volcanos of Hawaii, red lava and black rock juxtaposed with colorful rainbows in the sky. Lance really had an eye for natural compositions.

Living in Pridewas a photo-journal of Lance’s time following a pride of lions through the Serengeti, in the Arusha region of Tanzania. Lance was truly living his best life. To be honest, I was jealous. Being eaten by lions or mauled by bears or falling into a volcano sounded like pretty good options compared to what I was dealing with.

Gary and I had stayed to help Janet clean up. Gary swept the floors, and I busied myself putting the books we gathered earlier back on their proper shelves.

I wanted to give Gary and Janet a little time to themselves. And the time alone together seemed to pay off. I heard Gary’s voice in the distance, laughing with Janet about some lost memory from days back in school. Looking down at the remaining stack of books in my arms, the cover of theKama Sutrastared back up at me. The Universe was mocking me again.

On the other side of the store, I heard Gary still laughing with Janet. I watched from afar as he hoisted a stack of folding chairs over his shoulder. Clearly, Gary was no longer the lanky, acned, scrawny nerd geek he was twenty years ago. And yes, some women might even think he was attractive. And yes, perhaps, maybe, possibly, I was one of those women. But it didn’t matter what I thought. It only mattered what Janet was thinking.

“Where do you want me to put these?” I heard Gary ask. Somehow, Gary now balanced two armfuls of chairs on his shoulders.

“Oh, you can put those in the game room,” said Janet. “It’s right through that door over there. Follow me.” Janet looked over in my direction, and I pretended I was reading the book in my hands.

“How does she even bend over that far?” I asked a Dr. Ruth bobblehead, surrounded by the collectible cast of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

“Hey Mary,” called Janet. “I was going to show Gary the game room. Why don’t you come too?”

I followed Janet and Gary to the game room in the back of the bookstore, over a faux drawbridge beneath a mural of wart covered trolls. Tables and chairs lined up in rows down the middle. There was a poster of a Minotaur on the wall, replica weapons in plastic cases, and a life-sized suit of armor propped in the corner.

“This is where we hold our Dungeons and Dragons nights,” Janet explained.

“Dungeons and Dragons?” Gary had a glint in his eyes. And possibly a package of super firm tofu in his pants. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Dr. Ruth nodding.

“We have all the handbooks and modules. Dice, props, miniatures. Everything you would need.” Janet said, “Hey, maybe someday we can all get together and play.”

ChapterFifteen

Ibent over.

I stuck my butt in the air.

I spread my legs.

Behind me, Johan barked orders. “In! Out! In! Out!”

I tried to look back at him, between my spread legs, but my boobs were in the way. They tumbled down, or up, I suppose, in my inverted position.

It was the morning after the book signing. After I got home, it took me three quarters of a bottle of Pinot Grigio to fall asleep. It was not a restful sleep. It was a sleep haunted by dreams. Disturbing dreams.

In the last dream, I was sitting in a chair on the beach. The rocks, the sky, the sand were all black and white. I sat at a table as the ocean crashed behind me. On the table was a checkered board filled with chess pieces.

Sitting across from me was the Universe, draped in a black hooded robe. Every move I made, she countered. Every piece I played was taken from me. I woke up to the sound of Her laughing.

“Get on your hands and knees,” Johan demanded. His thick accent and sharp tone left no room for debate. Suitably positioned, my bottom quivered like a jello mold.

Johan moved in front of me. Looking up, it was hard not to stare directly into his bulging crotch.

After waking up from my Universe chess dream, I decided I needed to blow off some steam. Engage in some physical activity. Get a little spiritual stimulation, so to speak.

So I went to see Johan. Whenever I needed a little physical release, Johan always delivered.And then some.

By that point, he had been working me over for nearly thirty minutes. Sweat clung to my sagging breasts. Wetness dripped down my aching thighs. I was going to need a long, hot shower after Johan was done with me.

“I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing,” Janet hissed, moving from Cat pose to Cow pose beside me.

---