Page 53 of Perfect Mess

“Hey, here’s another idea,” I said. “How about if Gary and I go ‘H’, and Karen, you can go ‘F’ yourself?”

Gary’s eyes widened and his cheeks puffed out as he pressed his lips. He looked like he had just blown out of an airlock in space and had to hold his breath.

“I want to go with her,” said Kyle.

I looked over, and to my surprise, Kyle pointed at me. “You want to come with me?” I looked at Gary for help.

But Gary only smiled and said, “Okay with me.”

Karen had her hands on her hips. “Well Gary, what’s it going to be, ‘F’ with me or ‘H’ with Mary?”

“I’m going ‘G’,” Gary said, then marched down the trail to the right by himself. Without looking back, he said, “Try to be back before dark. And watch out for alligators. And wild hogs. And bears.” His voice trailed off in the distance. “Maybe panthers.”

Once Gary disappeared into the trees, Karen and I squared off, feet firmly planted, hands clenched on our hips. No words were needed. The stakes were clear. First one back to the nature center would be the winner. The winner of what, exactly? I wasn’t sure. But the prize didn’t matter. Beating Karen was all that did.

“Come on, Cary,” Karen grabbed her daughter’s arm and practically yanked her off her feet. Cary yelped. They disappeared down the trail at an even greater “picked up” pace.

Kyle and I stayed where we were, watching them go. “They’re totally going to kick our asses,” I said.

“I know,” Kyle agreed.

“Why’d you want to come with me, anyway?” I started hiking down trail “H”, Kyle on my heels.

“You’re funny,” he said after a few moments. “And weird.”

“Didn’t you want to hang out with your girlfriend? What’s her name? Cary?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” We continued walking. He didn’t say anything to me, and I didn’t say anything to him. We just soaked in the peace and quiet of the forest.

“Sorry about the girlfriend comment back there,” I said after we walked a bit more. “I didn’t mean girlfriend likegirlfriendgirlfriend. I meant, why didn’t you want to go with your friend, who happens to be a girl?”

“She’s not my friend.” Then, after a quiet pause, he said, “She doesn’t even like me.”

“What makes you think she doesn’t like you?”

“She said I was gross.”

“Why did she say that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Were you picking your nose or something?”

“No.”

“Were you scratching your butt?”

“No.”

“Sniffing your butt?”

“No.”

“Sniffing her butt?”

“You’re weird.”

“You said that already.”

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