Page 115 of Perfect Mess

“Oh, it wasn’t cold feet. The bride caught the groom cheating on her with the maid of honor,” Jack explained. I couldn’t help but notice Jack glanced my way when he said maid of honor.Was that a wink?I had to be imagining things.

“That’s horrible,” Janet said.

“Not for us, it isn’t,” Dick said. Dick and Mabel high-fived, then ordered another round on their tab. While they were waiting for Mike to bring them their drinks, the group talked through the logistics. Karen had a friend who was a florist, and she was pretty sure she could get them a deal. One of Ralph’s divorce clients had just opened her own catering firm and a few texts later, the food was taken care of. I had a credit with the furniture rental place I used for house staging, so I offered to take care of the tables and chairs.

When Mike returned with Dick and Mabel’s drinks, he also brought something for Janet.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a microphone,” Mike explained.

“Why are you giving it to me?” Janet looked concerned. But not as concerned as I was.

Mike said, “You’ll see.”

Suddenly, a familiar-sounding keyboard chord played over the sound system. And a familiar-sounding voice began singing, “Now I’ve, haaaad, the time of my li-ife.”

Ralph’s face lit up and his head snapped toward Janet. “Oh my God, are you doing it? Please tell me you’re doing it.” All across the brewery, conversations stopped and heads swiveled as people searched for the source of the voice. Like a colony of prairie dogs scanning the plains for predators.

No, I never felt like this before …

That’s when I spotted him. Gary. On stage. With a microphone.Please, dear God no!

Ralph saw him too, then spun back in his seat to grab Janet by the shoulders. “You’re doing it. You’re really doing it.” Ralph’s face looked like he had suddenly found himself in the middle of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. Without the clear and evident safety hazards and child murder. He spun back toward Karen. “They’re totally doing it.”

Karen was clearly confused. “Doing what?”

Jack was too. “What exactly is happening?”

I, unfortunately, knew exactly what was happening. It was the song Gary and Janet had performed during the talent show senior year. A day that will forever live in infamy. If YouTube had existed at the time, the video would have had two billion views overnight.

And I owe it all to you-hoo-ah-hoooo …

“Go Janet go!” Ralph yanked Janet from her chair and practically shoved her toward the stage.

“They’re doing the glee club thing,” Ralph explained to everyone at the table. “They’re actually doing the glee club thing.” Ralph had more glee that the rest of the brewery combined.

The stage lights were on, so Gary was standing in the middle of a swath of white light. His hand was outstretched, beckoning Janet to join him.

The keyboard chord shifted, and the synthesizer twinkled, signaling Janet’s part. Without missing a beat, she lifted the microphone Mike had given her to her lips and sang.

The drum machine kicked in, driving the beat.

Ba bupbup bup ba baa, ba ba, bupbup, bup babaa

Janet bounded up the steps and she and Gary took their positions on opposite ends of the stage, hands outstretched toward one another and fingers wiggling.

I remembered the day like it was yesterday. It was one of those things where it’s seared into your memory for eternity. Like when a president gets shot. Or a terrible catastrophe levels a piece of civilization. Or Starbucks releases a new variation of the pumpkin latte.

Janet and Gary had practiced their routine for months. Every note had been harmonized. Every step had been choreographed with surgical precision. They had watched the movieDirty Dancingso many times that Janet’s voice began sounding exactly like Jennifer Grey’s voice and Gary’s hair started feathering out on the sides like Patrick Swayze’s.

Back on the brewery stage, Gary began singing about waiting for so long, and finally finding someone to stand beside him. Then Janet sang about feeling a magical fantasy.

“It’s like they’ve been practicing the past twenty years.” Ralph danced in his seat, mesmerized. We all watched as Gary and Janet came together on the stage, arm in arm, face to face. It was a perfect replica of the dance in the movie.

On the night of the talent show, everything had gone great at first too. Both Gary and Janet were on key, perfectly in tune and synthesized with the beats. Their steps were flawless. Like two gazelles floating across the stage. Until the big climax. The part in the movie where Baby leaps into Patrick Swayze’s arms and he lifts her into the air.

You can guess what happened next. I could still hear the screaming. I could still hear the laughing. I could still hear the sirens. Luckily, no one got hurt too badly. Well, except for Mrs. Taylor, who was seated in the first row.

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