Page 93 of Perfect Mess

“Certainly not.” I had no intention of staying in Aunt Catherine’s old house. Permanent relationships with a piece of real estate required commitment. Hard work. Maintenance. Things break. Every weekend turns into fulfilling obligations. No, thank you. Much better to keep things simple. “I never stay in one place. Buy, fix, flip, sell. Then leverage the profits for the next one.”

“That explains a lot,” said Gary. He had on his Freud face again.

“Will you please go swimming with us?” Kyle asked.

“I don’t like to swim,” I said. Which was true. I didn’t like being wet or even damp in general.

“This is Florida. You have to swim,” said Gary. “I think it’s a state law or something.”

“Then call the swimming police.” There was no way I was going swimming. No way in hell. “Besides, even if I wanted to swim, I couldn’t because I don’t have a bathing suit. As I already explained.”

Gary’s face brightened. “I have an idea.”

“What idea?” I had a feeling I would not like the idea.

* * *

Gary fetcheda ladder from his van, then positioned it under the attic.

“If you find another vagrant cat up there,” I said, “I’m having the entire house exorcised by a priest.”

“Can you hold this steady?”

“What exactly are you planning to do up there?” I asked Gary’s butt as he climbed.

“The last time we were up here, I saw a bunch of boxes. One of them was labeled Clothes,” Gary called down.

I spotted Kyle at the far end of the hallway, waiting patiently. He was already in his bathing suit and swim floats. The inflatable orange rings hugging his arms were almost as big as his head.

Thump

The sound came from above me. “You okay up there?” I hollered.

“Yeah,” Gary called back.

Crunch

“Everything’s great!”

Thud

When I looked back down, Kyle was much closer, now in the middle of the hallway. I hadn’t even seen him move. He was still staring at me.

Crash

“You sure you’re okay?” I glanced back up through the opening into the attic. I couldn’t see anything. It was like a black hole. Or a portal to another dimension.

“Everything’s under control,” said Gary. “It’s all good.”

“It doesn’t sound like everything’s good,” I shouted. This time, when I looked back down, Kyle was standing right next to me.

“Holy hell,” I yelped. Remember the eighties horror movieChildren of the Corn? With the creepy kids with the white hair, standing in the middle of the cornfield? Yeah, it was like that.

Kyle just stood there for a while, staring at me. Thank God he wasn’t an albino, or I would have really freaked out. I could tell there was something on his mind. “Everything okay Kyle?” I asked.

“Purrfect ran away from me.” Purrfect ran away from me too, in most situations, so it didn’t surprise me. But Kyle seemed to take it personally.

“Yeah,” I said. “She’s antisocial. Kind of an asshole, really.” It occurred to me I probably shouldn’t use the word asshole in front of a kid, but that cat was already out of the bag, so to speak. “Sorry. I didn’t mean asshole. I meant, ass.” The word ‘ass’ probably wasn’t any better.

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