Page 59 of Perfect Mess

Gary shrugged. “I don’t know, my personality?”

“It’s definitely not your personality.”

“Ouch.”

“Don’t take it personally. You just never want to say you have a good personality. In the dating world, personality is another word for loser. What else do you have?”

“I’m generous?”

“Generous means clingy.”

“Is attentive okay?”

“I’m afraid we’re moving into stalker territory now.”

“I think we’re already there.”

Gary pulled a copy of Architecture Today off the magazine rack and held it up for me to see. “What about this one?”

The cover featured a dream house, sleek and modern, with perfect landscaping and a mountain view. “Excellent choice,” I said. “Architects are totally sexy. All those bold angles and sexy curves. Architects are even better than doctors.”

Gary put the magazine in the cart.

I rearranged it so it wasn’t covering up the extra firm tofu. “You know I wanted to become an architect once.”

Gary pushed the cart down the aisle. “Why didn’t you then?”

“Algebra. Math and I never got along. That’s why I got into real estate and interior design. I love a good project. Nothing better than taking something boring and plain, and transforming it into something spectacular.”

Gary nodded. I still wasn’t sure he was buying any of it, but at least he was still playing along.

We were passing through the frozen food section, which sparked an idea. “Frozen dinners! We almost forgot about the frozen dinners. The frozen dinners are the most important part. It lets the woman know you’re single. She sees a pot roast or a jar of Béarnaise sauce and it’s all over.”

“By the way, how do you even know I’m single? How do you know I’m not already dating someone?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you told me that Janet was interested. How did you know I wasn’t already interested in someone else? I didn’t pull out any frozen dinners on the nature hike.”

“No, just granola bars. From your pants. Which was super appetizing, by the way.”

I tried to stall answering him by stacking half a dozen random frozen dinners in the cart. When Gary continued looking at me, waiting for an answer, I admitted, “Kyle told me. And he told me about his mom.”

“He told you about his mom?” Gary looked surprised. Shocked, actually.

“Kyle told me everything. You know, I’m just trying to help here. Help you. Help Janet. I thought you two would be great together, but, you know, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Gary took a moment to consider everything I’d been telling him. “I suppose I’ve got to get back out there at some point, right?” He rubbed at the finger where his ring used to be. I don’t think he knew he was doing it. For a fraction of a second, a hint of doubt almost snuck its way into my brain but I squashed it immediately.

“Let’s go find a nice bottle of wine,” I said before Gary could change his mind. I headed for the wine shelves near the back of the store, Gary pushing the cart behind me.

* * *

Once we gotto the wine section, we took a few moments to survey the shelves. I grabbed a random bottle. The label said it was a French Syrah. I wasn’t a wine expert, but it seemed like it could work.

“Now with this we accomplish three objectives,” I explained. “First, it’s expensive, so she’ll think you have good taste. Second, it’s French, which suggests romance. Third, if this blows up in our faces, you and I can go back to Aunt Catherine’s house and get tanked.”

I caught a flash of something in Gary’s eyes when I said the part about him and me going back to Aunt Catherine’s house and sharing a bottle of wine. I figured he must have thought the idea that something like that would ever possibly happen was completely ludicrous. Which it was, of course. Absolutely ridiculous.

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