Page 51 of Perfect Mess

Really, the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself they were perfect for each other. Almost as perfect together as me and Jack. If I could just convince Gary to go along with it, nature would take its course. I shut my eyes and concentrated, trying to decide what I would tell Gary when I cornered him.

“Having fun?”

Startled, I jumped. With my eyes closed, I didn’t realize Gary was behind me. Just as my body pitched forward, toward the brown murky creek, Gary grabbed my waist and pulled me back from the edge. My back sank into his chest and his arms wrapped around me.

“Sorry.” His voice was a whisper in my ear. “I didn’t mean to sneak up to you.”

I wiggled loose and turned to face him. My heart thumped in my ears. “What did you say?” I had been so busy trying to force myself to relax, I hadn’t heard him.

“I asked if you were having fun,” said Gary.

Fun was not the first word that came to mind, but I needed Gary on my side, so I played nice. “Well,” I said, “It doesn’t completely …” I pointed to the letters on my chest. S.U.K.C.

In the distance, we heard something that sounded like a cross between a growl and a honk. Only louder. And more reptilian.

“What is that?” I asked.

“Alligators,” Gary answered. “You might not want to stand so close to the water. It’s mating season.”

“Great, we’re in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by horny alligators. How do you even know that?”

“I was in scouts.”

“Of course you were.”

“I made Eagle Scout.”

“I’m sure that impressed all the girl scouts.”

Gary almost smiled. “You said you wanted to talk?”

“Well,” I said. “Remember the other day? You told me to say hi to Janet for you.”

“I did.” Gary nodded, confirming my recap of his request.

“So I did that. I told her. I told Janet you said hi.” That was as far into my plan as I had gotten before Gary almost made me fall into the horny alligator inhabited creek.

“Thanks for telling her,” said Gary. “And, um, did she say anything back?”

“She said to say hi to you, too.”

“Thanks for relaying her greeting,” Gary said.

“You’re welcome,” I replied.

Karen made a huffing noise and kept glancing at her watch. As if looking at it repeatedly would make time speed up.

“Was that all?” Gary asked.

“No.”

“What else then?”

“Is there a bathroom around here?”

“Janet asked you to ask me about a bathroom?

“No, Janet didn’t ask about a bathroom, I’m asking.” I started doing a potty dance, which involved angling your knees toward one another and bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet. After consuming two dolphin strangling plastic water bottles, I really really had to pee and the flowing water of the creek wasn’t helping.

---