Page 123 of Perfect Mess

“Jack, oh my God, I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t believe what I had done.

If Jack was even one millionth as sorry about what happened as I was, it was hard to tell. In fact, he almost seemed … amused.

“Whoops,” said Jack. “Sorry about that. I forgot. You’re with Gary.”

Shark eyes. Shark mouth. Shark soul.

The laugh erupted out of my body like an air horn at a foot race. “Gary?” I laughed again, this time even louder. “You thought I was with Gary? Gary and me? Please. Gary and I are complete opposites. He loves floral print wallpaper for God’s sake. Burns dinners. Terrible at sports. He even likes Patrick Swayze movies. Gary and I would never work.”

On the outside, I was talking to Jack. But on the inside, I was talking to myself. I wasn’t trying to convince Jack I didn’t have feelings for Gary. I was trying to convince myself.

Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I knew I was the single worst human being in the entire history of humanity. If there had been an award they gave out for the most despicable person on the entire planet, they would have engraved my face on the trophy.

But as if that wasn’t bad enough, I kept going. “If Gary and I were together, it would be a disaster. Clearly I’m not serious relationship material. The first and last time I made the mistake of letting myself get close to someone, it blew up in my face. And obviously Gary doesn’t belong in a serious relationship because his wife, Ann, divorced him.”

Yeah.

That.

I actually saidthat.

If I could go back in time, I would have materialized out of the space-time continuum, run over to myself, grabbed the Kama Sutra off the shelf, and crammed it down my throat just to keep myself quiet. But despite the Michael J. Fox figurine standing on the shelf next to the Delorean above me, there was no going back.

I knew what I had done was bad. But I didn’t realize how bad until I saw Jack’s eyes widen in surprise. The moment I realized he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking past me.

Behind me.

Slowly, I turned.

Janet and Gary were standing at the end of the aisle, staring at us in shock. For a long time, no one said anything. We all just stood there in silence. Plenty of time for the entirety of the betrayal to fully sink in.

Gary was the one who eventually broke the silence. “Ann didn’t divorce me, Mary. She was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer after Kyle was born. She didn’t leave me. She died.” Gary’s voice was little more than a whisper. He looked as if all the life had been sucked right out of him. All the happiness. All the joy. Sucked right out of him. By me.

I think I remember opening my mouth, intending to say something, but I couldn’t even form a single word.

It’s not like it would have mattered, anyway.

ChapterTwenty-Nine

“I’m a horrible, horrible person.” I cradled my chai latte in my hands because it was still too hot to drink.

“Yes,” said Ralph, without looking up. He was reading the copy ofThe New Yorkerhe found on the table while sipping the caramel Frappuccino I bought him. With extra whipped cream and three shots of espresso.

“Ralph.”

“Mmm.”

“Can you put that down, please?”

Ralph refused to look up from his magazine. “I’m trying to read about the changing work standards for millennial knowledge workers in the hybrid economy.”

“Ralph, talk to me. Please.” I was desperate.

“Fine.” Ralph lowered the magazine and finally looked at me. “Are you familiar with the term quiet quitting?”

“What?”

“Quiet quitting.”

---