Page 118 of Perfect Mess

“Turn around and run,” said Periwinkle, her half sized frame dwarfed by the towering presence of the dragon.

“We’re not going home.” Gronk pointed past the dragon. “We’re almost there.”

Just down the road, the thatched roofs of Serenity Vale could be seen on the horizon. According to the rumors, it was once a peaceful place, where elves, dwarves, and humans lived together in harmony. But now, raiding bands of goblins and ogres terrorized the countryside after the notorious Witch Queen overtook the local castle. It would take a band of brave and hardy adventurers to explore the dungeons, defeat the monsters, and liberate the castle from the Witch Queen’s grasp.

Gwain pulled the lute from his back, prepared to strum an enchanted tune to calm the beast’s nerves. Periwinkle removed the magic ring from her pouch, ready to slip it on and turn invisible. Gronk backed further away from the dragon, figuring that the time it would take to eat both Gwain and then Periwinkle would give her more time to escape.

“Never fear, I, Sir Jack, the Badass, shall smite the dragon,” Sir Jack stepped forward, his gleaming silver armor sparkling in the sun. Sir Jack was a new companion they had met, along with the forest elf, Caryn, renown for her knowledge of the wilderness and her ability to take really long, boring hikes without complaining.

“Your name is Sir Jack the Badass?” Gwain the bard rolled his eyes.

“Yes!” Sir Jack proclaimed proudly, as he raised his sword and advanced toward the dragon.

Periwinkle, the halfling, stepped in front of Sir Jack and raised her fur covered palms. “Whoa, wait a second Sir Jack.”

“The Badass.”

“Fine, wait a second Sir Jack the Badass. What do you think you’re doing?”

Sir Jack lowered his sword. “Smiting the dragon?”

“You’re going to kill the poor dragon? It’s just sitting there minding its own business. What did the dragon ever do to you?” Periwinkle was one of those annoying, self righteous vegan halflings. The kind that only ate turnips and refused to let her fellow compatriots attack the monsters to collect treasure, even if the monsters wouldn’t think twice about eating them.

“But it’s a dragon.” Sir Jack looked confused.

Blink

“And I’m a knight.”

Blink

“Knights slay dragons.”

Blink

“Don’t they?”

“Maybe we should just shoo it,” Gwain made a shooing motion with his lute to demonstrate the technique.

“You want to shoo a dragon?” Caryn’s pointy Elven ears twitched.

“Then I’ll sing it to sleep,” Gwain offered.

“No!” the rest of the party all answered together as one.

* * *

We had been sittingat one of the gaming tables in Belle’s Books for almost an hour, but our Dungeons and Dragons game was barely getting started. We got a late start because, before we could do anything, Gary had to explain the rules to Jack and Karen, making sure they understood how to play. Then, Janet helped Jack create his knight character, and Ralph helped Karen create her Elven druid. My job was to place the figurines on the map Gary had custom drawn by hand.

“I thought the whole point of this thing was to kill the monsters and take all their gold and stuff,” said Jack.

“There’s more than one way to win,” Gary explained.

“Like we could make friends with the dragon and then he might give us all dragon rides,” Janet offered.

“Or I can sing my magic song.” Ralph suggested for about the thousandth time already. Bards, the type of character Ralph used, were known for singing songs of enchantment, so Ralph had brought his ukulele with him, just in case. He’d been dying to show off the new Hootie and the Blowfish song he learned.

“No!” we all said again.

---