Page 104 of Perfect Mess

“Only in D&D.”

“Oh yes, dungeons and dragons. The key to every girl’s heart.” Gary wasn’t giving me a lot to work with. “What sports are you good at?”

“Hmm, let me think.” Gary stroked his chin contemplatively. “None.”

“Do you play golf?”

“I just said I didn’t play sports.”

“Golf isn’t a sport. It’s a recreational activity.”

“Tell that to Tiger Woods.”

“I will the next time I see him. Can you run a 15k?”

“Can you?”

I threw him a look. “There has to be something you’re good at. I mean, other than dungeons and dragons.”

“Order forty seven!” The funnel cake food truck guy didn’t look very patient, so I grabbed our order and we headed back toward the tent.

“There is one thing,” Gary said, as we stopped at the dip tent. I balanced the three plates of funnel cake in one hand while I used my free hand to sample the Habanero Lime.

“What one thing?” I asked, dipping a second pretzel into the Barbecue Cheddar.

“Pickleball.”

“Pickleball?” I nearly spit out my sample of the Cucumber Dill.

“Yes,” Gary said. “It’s like a mish mash of ping-pong, badminton, and tennis.”

With my brain temporarily paralyzed, my mouth switched to autopilot. “Like all the racket sports had an orgy.”

Gary frowned. “Gross.”

“You really play pickleball?”

“Kyle got into it from school. Now we play together whenever we get a chance.”

“Are you a banger or a dinker?”

“Dinker for sure.”

“Somehow I’m not surprised.”

“You play pickleball?”

After grabbing a pretzel-full of Avocado Chipotle, I said, “Of course I play pickleball. I play all the time.”

“You bang or you dink?”

“I bang and I dink.” I gave Gary a wink. But then he looked at me funny. So I winked again. And then I must have got an eyelash in my eye because my eye started itching really badly. Like someone was rubbing my cornea with sandpaper. So I started blinking really fast to get it out.

“Mary, are you having a stroke? Blink once if you’re okay. Blink twice if I should call 9-1-1. Okay, ah, what does four blinks mean? Is your brain malfunctioning?”

“Gary, my brain has never been more functional in my entire life.”

“Well, that’s concerning.”

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