Page 51 of Winter Glam in Amsterdam

There’s no more benefit. Just doubt. And I’m worth a simple message within a day.

My eyes start to sting with tears I don’t want to shed for him, and I pinch the bridge of my nose as I take a deep breath to calm my nerves.

I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel so dumb, so endlessly fucking dumb. Finally, I swallow the knot in my throat and get up from bed, white-knuckling my phone as I start pacing my room.

Lily left sometime yesterday too, but according to Kayla, wouldn’t go into specifics either. All she mentioned about the Walker brothers leaving was a family emergency.

Asking Asher for Tanners number was a whole new level of embarrassing, but no matter how, I felt the need to make sure Tanner was alright.

So I spent the day, all but glued to my phone. Even when my parents all but dragged me outside, my fingers were firmly around it in the pocket of my jacket, so I wouldn’t miss a message from Tanner coming through. Only to receive crickets. Complete silence. No reaction whatsoever.

And that’s not working for me. What if this had gotten more serious? Would he still abandon me without a word as soon as anything happens?

God, I feel myself turning bitter. What do I even do now? Do I send him one more message, telling him to fuck off?

No, that would just seem bitter.

Everything inside me wants to lash out, to hurt him worse than he hurt me, to make him regret what he did. But then I lower the arm holding my phone, stopping in my tracks and leaning my forehead against the cool glass of my window wall.

That's not me. I'm not a vicious person, or at least I don't want to be. No matter how tempting it might be.

So with a sigh, I unlock my screen and pull up his contact. Did I mix up any numbers after all? What if I’m wrong?

No, Summer. You’re just grasping at straws. I checked the number at least six times after typing it in, only to give up and copy them from Asher’s phone and send them to mine, for the sole purpose of not mixing anything up.

My jaw tightens as I swipe over my screen and block him. Then I go one step further and delete his number. I won’t let anything tempt me to reach out to him again. I feel ridiculous as is.

It feels like trumpets should start playing, and a stadium of people should start to cheer for me, showering me with congratulations for realizing my self worth. Yet instead, all I get is a heavy sadness weighing down on me.

In the shit show that is my life, he seemed like a ray of hope, something good to come out of everything that’s going on. But I guess I was mistaken.

Taking one more deep breath, I roll my shoulders and lift my chin high.

Fuck him.

I will dig myself out of this shit show. Who needs a ray of hope when there's spite and sheer willpower?

I can't really say I'm in the mood for company, but I'm even less in the mood to explain the reason for missing out on breakfast.

So I drag myself downstairs, where everyone remaining in our little group is already sitting around a table, joking around. All of the Walker brothers have left without a word, and Lily took off late yesterday afternoon.

"Over here, Summer." Luca waves to get my attention and pulls out the chair next to him for me to sit down. "I got you a coffee already."

"Thanks." I force my face into a smile and sit down, taking a deep breath. Thank God it’s no news that I’m grumpy before my first coffee, so I can sit back, nurse my coffee and listen, instead of having to join their conversation.

"Did you hear anything from Lily?" Kayla asks worriedly, and my future sister-in-law shakes her head.

"Nothing important yet. Only a ‘No need to worry, have a great rest of your vacation.’" She shrugs and I do my best to keep a neutral expression.

Yet throughout breakfast, I feel Millie’s eyes on me. God, she’s receptive. I’m doing my best to not let annoyance about Tanner and whatever is going on show, but Millie’s stare is so intense I’m convinced she can look right through my facade.

"So, what are you kids up to today?" my dad finally asks with a worried glance at me, and I hide my face behind my mug, acting like I didn’t hear him. Honestly, I was hoping to stay in and work on some applications, but Millie leans over Luca to grab my hand.

"I think the three of us,” she points at Kayla, me and herself, “should have a little girl's day. I’m seeing all these cute boats on the canals and I really want to go on one."

"Shouldn't you spend some more time with your fiancé?" I ask with an eyebrow wiggle to make my question appear more light-hearted, and she shakes her head.

"I've got the rest of my life to spend with him, after all."

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