Page 43 of Summer Haze & Tokyo Craze

I’m way too paranoid about getting stuck at the top and having to be rescued with a helicopter and or a flimsy fireman's ladder. Climbing to my rescue at such a height just doesn’t seem very appealing to me.

Then again, at least I’d get to see some hot firemen, so I’ll just push down my anxiety and get on there.

It's going to be fine. There’s no way it’s going to get stuck. At a random fair back home, maybe. But I can’t imagine a malfunctioning Ferris wheel here in Japan.

Adam pulls my arm and walks us over to the ticket counter, where he pays for our tickets, shooting me triumphant grin before I can even take out my wallet.

I roll my eyes and let him have his moment. He seemed a bit peeved when he discovered I’d gotten him the museum ticket, so he can have his macho man moment, paying for the Ferris wheel ticket. It’s alright.

He needs to calm down about it, though.

I've worked hard to be where I am, and I'm very capable of paying for things I want, or even dates, myself. Not that I'm complaining if he's covering the Ferris wheel in exchange for the museum, I’m super uncomfortable with people doing me favors or paying for me.

To a degree where it took months before I was finally comfortable delegating tasks to Felix.

I always used to feel like a pretentious prick about making him do my work until one day he sat me down and told me in no uncertain terms to get over it.

That was the wake-up call I needed.

We’ve been working amazingly together ever since. But when it comes to dating, I’m still stuck in this mindset.

I’ve learned during my little dating app stint just how many men think that just because they’ve bought you a drink, they are entitled to your time. Or because they’re paying for dinner, it means you will take them home and repay them with a blowjob. Ehw. I’d much rather pay for myself and be on equal footing.

But alas.

When we climb into the Ferris wheel cabin, I’m surprised by how sturdy it actually seems.

It's still wobbly, don’t get me wrong, but I thought it would be more like getting onto a paddle boat, rocking back and forth constantly and making you fear falling into the water. The cabin is huge though and there must be some kind of stabilization technique going on.

Adam chooses to sit beside me instead of opposite me, his thigh touching mine, only the fabric of his jeans and the flimsy fabric of my dress separating our bodies from each other. And I’m hyper aware of it.

"So what are we talking about?" I ask him nervously when the door closes and the cabin starts to move, acting like I have no idea what this is about. My hands fist the fabric of my dress, clutching it between my fingers in an attempt to ground myself.

"I was going to ask you," he says with a low chuckle, turning his head to look at me. "What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? You’ve seemed very stressed the past two days."

I sigh, my whole body sagging in on itself like a deflated balloon.

"I really don’t know what’s going on with me," I admit softly. "I’m sorry for being so standoffish."

"No need to apologize," he assures me and reaches for my hand again. I force myself to relax, but when an abrupt shakinggoes through the cabin, my fingers dig into the back of his hand. “But… talk to me. Try to walk me through it.”

We are slowly climbing higher, more and more of the Tokyo bay coming into sight, partly illuminated by individual sun rays breaking through the clouds. It’s a beautiful view.

Such a shame that right now, I can’t enjoy it. I’m way too occupied with willing my beating heart to slow down a bit, because I’m trying sort my thoughts, not get into a cardiac arrest here, all while feeling Adam’s intent gaze on me as he gives me all the time I need.

"I’m confused," I finally admit and take my hand out of his, crossing my arms in front of my chest and digging my fingers into my upper arms. I know it looks defensive – and I very much feel the part. Like I need to physically protect my heart. "Something is happening,” I motion between the two of us with one of my fingers. “And while I’m not entirely opposed to it,” I continue and he chuckles when he realizes that I’m blushing, "I’m just not sure this is going to work out."

My shoulders tense again as I put the ball in his court. I’m not sure what I expect. Maybe him to agree with me, to tell me I’ve made it all up in my head and that I need to stop the creepy behavior.

"Listen, Lily," he says reassuringly, placing his hand on my thigh, his thumb rubbing slow circles just above my knee. I am hyper-aware of his touch, all of my senses tuned in to his warm hand touching my bare skin.

"I don’t kiss every woman I spend a day with, you know?" he says teasingly, the corner of his mouth lifting into a grin, and finally, the muscles in my shoulders relax again. "Let me be perfectly clear: I like you.” My cheeks turn even warmer. "And I would like to see where this goes."

"I would like that too," I mumble softly and release the rigid hold on his hand, taking it in mine instead. "But I’m not sure I can."

His breath hitches and I gulp past the lump forming in my throat.

“I haven’t worked at Siren’s Talent for long yet. And dating a rival? I know you’re friends with Millie and Kayla, but I’m pretty sure there’s something about fraternizing with rival companies in both your and my contract. And I’m not trying to get me or you fired or sued." I take a deep breath, but my heart is still beating into my throat.

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