Page 34 of Summer Haze & Tokyo Craze

And why the fuck did it have to be him in the first place?

Of all the men out there, why doeshehave to be so fucking irresistible? Couldn’t it have been one of the guys I met during my dating-app attempt three years ago? Then I wouldn’t have this goddamn existential crisis right now and he would have spared me many bad dates.

"I don’t know what the hell I’m doing." I rub my hand over my face and come to a stop, leaning my forehead against the cool glass and closing my eyes.

"Girl," Lucy starts and then breaks into laughter, "you've kissed a guy and went on a date with him afterwards. What did you think was going to happen?"

"It wasn't a date," I deny weakly. "Only a thank you for getting me home safely when I was in no condition to do so myself thanks to Eve and my own dumb competitiveness."

"Yeah, yeah." I can just picture her rolling her eyes at me and fight the urge to throw my phone into a corner. "Let’s look at this from a different angle. What do youwantto happen? We've already established that you have a crush on him, so I guess right now the question is whether you’re going to act on it. Whether you want to."

"If I want to doesn’t play a role because I'm not sure Ican," I tell her, and now that realization settles in my bones with heavy disappointment. "Before I came here, he was just some handsome bloke who stole talent I wanted at Siren’s Talent, but goddammit, Lucy, I'm starting to like him. As in, like, like him.Fuck, I should have nipped this in the bud before anything happened."

"Well, too late for that now," she says with a chuckle, and I glare at my phone.

"I hate you. You’re having way too much fun with this."

"No, you don’t. But tell me, what exactly is your hold up? Some kind of clause you might or might not have written in your contract? Let's be so for real, do you really think Millie and Kayla, of all people, would tell you not to date Adam? Pretty sure they'd throw you a 'welcome to the family' party instead."

"I'm not about to go to my bosses and tell them about my dating life," I say, raising my eyebrow at her, and she shrugs, knowing fully well she’s right.

"Well, maybe you should. If Millie can talk to you about her wedding plans, you should be able to talk to her about potentially dating another CEO. Can't you all just merge companies and be done with it?"

I stop my pacing and shoot her a glare. There is no way any of us, neither Millie, Kayla nor me, would want to give Siren’s Talent up to Croney. Even if this thing with Adam goes further, it’s our baby.

"All right, all right," she quickly concedes. "Sorry for just suggesting it."

"So what now?" I ask her and start pacing again.

"Now you get ready for bed and spend the night tossing and turning while you make up your mind about what you want.And once you realize what that is at like three in the morning, you can call me again and we'll make a plan."

"Knowing you, that means you'll make a plan and I will listen to you make a plan," I say with an eyeroll and sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. She’s right though, I need to make up my mind. "All right. Thank you, Lucy."

"You're very welcome. Keep me updated."

Lucy was wrong. Not about the tossing and turning, that did very much happen. But I couldn’t make up my mind. In an ideal future, would I want Adam and me to work?

Yes.

Is there any scenario in which our careers will come out of it unscathed?

I couldn’t think of one. In fact, the more I thought, the more I realized just what a shitshow it could become. Imagine we break up. It wouldn’t just make industry events awkward as fuck, what if it makes him want to re-solidify his position in the market and try to eliminate Siren’s Talent? Would he do that to his friends?

Stranger things have happened than people turning on their friends during a breakup.

But worse of all… what if he’s not actually interested?

The next day rolls around before I’m ready for it, and I am utterly unprepared to face Adam.

When I get tired of tossing and turning, I throw on a bathrobe to make a quick trip to the convenience store at three-thirty in the morning, where I get myself pens and a notebook.

I might have my tablet with me to take notes at the conference and my laptop for work, but sometimes it's just easier to write things out on paper. Just like now.

The pen flies over the empty paper as I jot down my thoughts without rhyme or reason, before I open another page and draw up a pro and con list to bring them into order.

"Pros about dating Adam," I tap my pen against my lip. "Adam," I just jot down and then close my eyes, trying to think of more. Yet, that’s really it, right?

But then the cons start floating through my head.

---