Page 86 of Poolside

When he was finished, he drained the glass of water and slumped back into the cushions. He watched Tommy, his eyes tracing over the flop of brown hair that curled on his forehead and the tiny cut where he’d nicked himself shaving at the lake house.

It struck Chuck, then, that Tommy was right there beside him. The truth was out. He knew everything, and he was still there.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Chuck said, his words coming out in a whisper. Tommy immediately put his phone down, giving Chuck his full attention. “With everything we were doing physically, I know I should have said something.” Tommy’s brow furrowed, and his lips twitched like he was going to respond. Chuck held up a hand and went on. “I just wanted this to work between us so badly.”

“Baby,” Tommy started.

Chuck shook his head. “You didn’t know about this when we got together. When you agreed to be with me, you didn’t know about the depression or the meds or the side effects. And if it’s too much, I’ll understand.”

Tommy blinked at him, an expression of incredulous indignation on his face. “Are you serious?”

“It’s been too much before,” Chuck replied, thinking of breakups and slammed doors and the inevitable fallout from being a broken man.

The couch dipped as Tommy shifted closer, and Chuck saw the look of complete devastation written on his face in the wake of Chuck’s words. “Chuck,” Tommy said, bringing his hand up to cradle Chuck’s face. “I’m here, baby. I’m here, I’m yours, and I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to.”

Chuck felt his lower lip tremble. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, you stubborn ginger snap.”

Chuck smiled then, and while he was sure it was merely a shadow of the expression normally associated with the feeling of happiness, he clung to the fact that it was something. Something more than okay. Maybe even something good.

“It’s pretty late,” Tommy went on, softly stroking Chuck’s cheek with his thumb. “Do you want to head to bed or stay up awhile?”

“Bed.”

“Go on, then.” Tommy offered him a small smile. “I’ll get everything cleaned up.”

Chuck stood, shaking the stiffness from his cramped legs. “I…” he started hesitantly, “I think I want to sleep alone tonight.”

He watched Tommy’s face carefully, bracing himself for the hurt caused by his words, but Tommy just nodded, his expression understanding. “Sounds good. I’ll come check on you in the morning.”

Chuck stood there, frozen, not entirely sure what he was supposed to do next. Tommy stood beside him, watching him like he wasn’t sure either. Like he wanted to touch him but didn’t know if he could.

“I’m not going to be a very good boyfriend while I’m figuring this out,” Chuck whispered, trying for an apologetic smile. “I’m not going to have much to give.”

Tommy nodded, his eyes intent as he looked at Chuck. “That’s okay.”

Chuck didn’t know what to say. It didn’t make sense—how could someone be okay with being in a relationship with someone who had nothing to give them? Someone who was so fucking empty they could barely find anything to give to themself?

“Can I give you a hug?”

Tommy stood there with his arms wide open, and Chuck decided to trust that Tommy knew himself and his own needs. Regardless of his own doubts, Tommy was there, and when Tommy wrapped his arms around him, and Chuck dropped his forehead to rest on his hard shoulder, he was exactly the kind of warm and steady Chuck needed.

Soft lips pressed to the side of Chuck’s face. “I’m here,” Tommy whispered, the words a promise. “I’m here.”

CHAPTER25

GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

TOMMY

Tommy sat in his car, fidgeting with his tie. He’d re-tied it twice already, but no matter what he did, the silk felt too tight around his neck. He hadn’t wanted to go to work, but regardless of everything that had happened over the holiday weekend, Tommy had a job to do and a team who needed him to show up.

Deb was already there, sitting with perfect posture at her desk, fingers pounding loudly on the keyboard.

“Morning, Deb,” Tommy said as he powered up his computer.

He heard the creak of her swivel chair. “How are you?”

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