Page 54 of Poolside

Tommy gave him an indignant look that, even with his lips stretched around a cock, so clearly said:Don’t tell me what to do.

Jesus. Chuck started gently, with shallow thrusts into Tommy’s mouth. When Tommy nodded, he picked up his pace, letting his cock slip down Tommy’s tongue until he felt the head nudge the tight opening of his throat.

He’d fantasized about this moment, in the dreams that he refused to acknowledge. But the reality of Tommy on his knees? He was more beautiful than Chuck had ever imagined.

“I’m,” Chuck choked out. “I’m gonna cum, T. Pull off if you don’t want it. Pull the fuck off.”

But Tommy didn’t pull off, and Chuck threw his head back as his orgasm boiled over, pleasure pulsing through him as Tommy sucked him dry. He could feel Tommy’s throat constrict around him as he swallowed down his release, and Chuck tried to remember how to breathe.

When his softening cock slipped from Tommy’s mouth, Chuck let out a shaky breath. He extended a hand to help Tommy up from the floor.

Tommy slumped back against the wall, his chest heaving as he caught his breath. Chuck’s hand was still braced on the wall beside his head, and Tommy watched him, like he was waiting for Chuck to tell him what came next.

What the fuck came next?

Chuck opened his mouth, then closed it.

Regret and fear curled around his throat, making it hard to breathe.You knew this was a bad idea,a stupid, bad idea. But then he’d pictured Tommy with someone else and he’d given in. He hadn’t considered that letting himself have this—have Tommy—just once, could paint a picture of a reality he knew wasn’t his to have. The reality was Tommy wouldn’t want him. Even if Tommy decided he was open to a relationship with a man (which was unlikely), he wouldn’t pick a man with the struggles Chuck faced. Chuck had been through that heartbreak once. To go through it again, and with Tommy?

That might completely break him.

But now he’d touched him, tasted him, felt his mouth around him…

Fuck.What if Chuck had helped Tommy scratch an itch and he was content to leave it at that? What would this do to their years of friendship, to the comfort that came so easily when they cooked dinner together? Chuck needed to step back, needed to regroup before he did something stupid like ask Tommy to stay and be his and never leave him and maybe, just maybe, love him.

“We can’t do that again,” Chuck finally said.

Tommy stared at him. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Chuck offered, panic creeping into his voice as he waved a hand in the air between them. “I shouldn’t have done that.Weshouldn’t have done that. Fuck, what was I thinking? You were looking to experiment, and I’m…fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“I’m sor?—”

“Chuck. Stop fucking apologizing.”

The panic inflated in his chest. Heknewwhat a big deal it was that Tommy had felt comfortable enough—safeenough—with Chuck to explore this for the first time. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page,” Chuck said, his voice sounding distant and echoey in his own head.Say it, he berated himself.Open your mouth and say it. “It was a one time thing. You’re—I just want you to find what you’re looking for.”

Tommy still stared at him. “What the fuck, man,” he said with a strained laugh before dropping his head forward and muttering under his breath, “I thought I already did.”

“What was that?”

Tommy looked up, wiping a hand over his mouth. “Nothing, man. Nothing.”

“We want different things,” Chuck said.

“Do we really, Chuck?”

Chuck reached down and tucked his soft cock back into his suit, aware that Tommy was still naked. He pushed back from the wall, needing to put more space between them. “I’m a gay man, T! I’ve known since I was sixteen and saw Marco Ramirez naked in the locker room after practice. I’m finally out of the closet, and I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready to have a serious and honest andrealrelationship for the first time in my life.” Chuck’s voice had grown louder, fueled by his desperate need for Tommy to justunderstand. “That’s what I want!”

Tommy straightened, a challenge clear in the line of his brows. “Perfect. I want the same thing.”

“How do you know? You’ve been bisexual for all of a month, Tommy! You can’t possibly know what you want yet, and I’m not in a good place to take on a project.”

“Fuck you, Chuck,” Tommy said, voice choked with emotion. “I did what you asked! I found someone who was nice and sweet and made it clear that he was available and interested. And it just wasn’t the same! It didn’t feel like it does with you. And now, after what we just did? Are you telling me it feels like this with other men? I call bullshit, Chuck.Bullshit.” Hurt and confusion knitted his brows, and he looked vulnerable in that moment, standing there naked and damp-eyed in the dim light. “Why are you fighting this? Do you think I just want to fuck and be done? Becausefuck that. You know me. You know I want something real and committed just as much as you do. And I’m in for that. If you’d let me, I’d take you on a fucking date right now. I’d open the door for you and tell you how beautiful you are and hold your hand and kiss you on your doorstep at the end of the night.” Chuck’s gaze caught on the moisture gathering in the corners of Tommy’s eyes. “This feels pretty fucking real to me, Chuck.”

“Tommy—” There was too much to say. It didn’t matter how perfect the words Tommy was saying sounded in his ears, that he was saying everything Chuck had ever dreamed of hearing. Tears burned in the corners of his eyes and he backed away until his back met the cold metal of the lockers.

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